Andrew Josephine

December 17, 2011

2011-12-17T23:47:00.001+08:00

Have been busy unpacking my luggage, washing clothes, cleaning up the house and cooking for the whole day. Now in the living room watching 百万大歌星 on Channel U and having my all time favorite beer to end my Saturday night.

Ever since I started working as Project Sales in tiles in October, I've been mentally and physically drain out every single day. Visiting architects, designers, developers, sending/collecting samples, quotation, PO, DO, entertainments blah blah blah..... Max out my time I tell you.

Pay out is not bad, but still not eunff to cover my household expenses. Still as broke. Envy those who dont have to pay for household bills such as electricity, grocery, C&C, house instalment blah blah blah. I also wish I can enjoy myself after getting my pay. Eat, drink, shop... but I can't...

Whatever la, lazy to say already. Not in the mood, not in the feel. Bye.

很多事男人不知道.....

2011-09-05T23:21:00.000+08:00

女孩子在他們發火後自己卻轉過身不斷啜泣。

其實很多男孩子都不知道，女孩子從來不會真正生他們的氣，因為她是真的喜歡他在乎他。

其實很多男孩子都不知道，女孩子只會對她自己喜歡的男生嘮嘮叨叨，也只會對自己喜歡的人耍性子。

你要知道，假若她不喜歡你，她根本不會來在乎你關心你，她是怕你做錯事情。

你要知道，假若她不喜歡你，她根本不會對你發火，不會沖你撒嬌，不會讓你哄她--因為在別人面前她都是淑女。

你要知道，假若她不喜歡你，你根本就沒有本事讓她哭泣，即使讓她生氣也不會超過2天！

而這一切都只是因為她喜歡你，而這一切都因為你還不夠在意她不夠懂她?

於是，你們時常爭吵，你認為她脾氣不好，她認為你不夠遷就她?

於是，你們總是冷戰，你以為她不喜歡你，她以為你不在乎她?

於是，你們總莫名其妙的彼此錯過，也許擦身而過本身就是一種悲傷著的無奈與幸福?

要知道，淒美依然是美的一種，並且美的絢麗悲涼而滄桑，那是更加的美

因為她喜歡你，所以才偶爾沖你發火，時常對你撒嬌。

因為她喜歡你，所以才會生你的氣；

而又是因為喜歡你，她才不會去生氣那麼久。

你可知道，每個女孩子的心都是水晶做的，晶瑩剔透，很容易就碰傷摔碎。

你可知道，每個女孩子都是不設防的，你那麼輕易就闖進她的心，走的時候卻只留下傷害！

她從來都不知道，這個世界上根本沒有可以讓她哭的人，因為真正值得讓她哭的那個人根本捨不得讓她哭?

她會很矜持，她會很驕傲，她會很冷，

她總是嘴裏說著(你走開)，心裏卻一直叫你留下。

請豎起你的耳朵，也請打開你的心，去聽她內心真正的呼喚吧，而不是她嘴裏的口是心非！

她會看著你轉身，然後她跟著你轉身；當側身而過的時候，你看不見她的淚，那是滂沱在心裏的淚

如果你喜歡她，請多陪陪她；

如果你喜歡她，請多寵寵她；

如果你喜歡她，請多讓讓她?

如果你真的喜歡她，請你去聽聽她內心的聲音，那是一種吶喊！請你張開臂膀擁抱她！

在愛情世界裏，你們總是彼此傷害著，彷佛這樣才能證明自己愛得激烈，愛到轟轟烈烈！

可是，愛情沒有對錯，更沒有你比我多我比你少的概念。

你愛她，她愛你，如此就已足夠，不要試圖讓彼此受傷，讓彼此更加脆弱悲傷。

你們彼此相愛需要的是溫暖、是幸福、是甜蜜、是快樂，而不是傷害。

不要用沈默宣戰，不要互不相讓，更不要什麼話都不講就漠然離去。

要知道，當你離去的時候，你的眼睛起了霧，她的眼角泛著淚光?

越是安靜，戰火就越傳，這是冷戰，也是彼此的傷害。

無論以後怎麼的複合，那些傷口是曾存在的，是你怎麼也抹不去的?

請給她一個擁抱，用你的擁抱去化解她心裏的悲傷與眼角的淚水。

她喜歡你，她絕對不會拒絕你的擁抱，她只會害怕你的冷漠、轉身的無聲安靜。

請記住，相愛的人不要宣戰，因為帶來的傷害超出你的預計。

也請記住，只要你喜歡她，沒什麼是你接受不了的，只要你喜歡她，就喜歡她的一切一切。

那麼她所有的小性子、所有的壞脾氣、所有的臭毛病在你眼裏都是撒嬌。

也請記住，她喜歡你，需要的不是你真的轉身，她嘴裏說著的也不是她真心話。

她只是想你寵她，想你抱她?

September 05, 2011

2011-09-05T19:52:00.002+08:00

I never knew that smile will be taken away from my face again. I never knew that I gonna have this kinda feeling all over again.

Watching "Why Do I Get Married Too". There's this part where a old couple share how they met and share their life together for 55 years. It might just be a show but it just reflect how much complication there is in a relationship. Pure love? I doubt so.

I love my hubby so much and I have no idea how things ended up like this between us. I thought time can change the fact that we knew each other too little and that we got married so fast.

No matter how hard we try, things still happen. Hurt and painful is what Im feeling now...

I hope this situation will go away and Im holding on to it...

April 19, 2011

2011-04-19T03:24:00.002+08:00

324am... Still alone at home facing the cold wall...

945pm, called me to say they just started delivering the vegetables. I went to the kitchen, open the fridge and think, I shall whipped up something different tonight since its our 2 years anniversary. Although its not something sumptuous, but I do make an effort to think of dishes that I can make using the ingredients I had in my fridge. And so, I started preparing all the condiments and meat, take my time to cook it so it would be just nice when he comes home.

11pm, dishes all laid on the table... clocked ticks and he is no where to be seen. 12pm.. I'm hungry and so I started eating alone...

254am, finally called back. Told me that they just started delivering the 2nd batch... which he didnt tell me that there will be 2 batch to be delivered today.

Heart sanked... I always harbour this thought that someday, he would do something special to cheer me up during special occasion and well....this time round, very surprising indeed....

Took 5 hours to deliver a truck of vegetable to just 3 locations. Do u believe? Well sorry I DONT!!!

Out of the blue and u change ur work timing with ur cousin, did u even bother to discuss with me? Luckily Im not working now. If Im working, I would have been asleep by the time u come home and out for work when u r sleeping. So well I guess, family planning is not in ur schedule all this time. So what am I hoping for....

Great, disappointment again and again..

April 17, 2011

2011-04-17T08:12:00.003+08:00

April 18 2009, the day when Andrew and I got together. The day that predestined the rest of our life. Knowing him had been the greatest thing that happens to me. Thou there are times that unhappiness overwrite happiness, but putting aside all this, I'm still blessed. Blessed with his love...

We share so much things in common. There are so many things that we can so together and enjoy together. Of course, beside partying (which used to be my daily dosage). No matter what, marriage life is definitely so much different from single. There are some things that u can no longer do and there are so much thing that u have to think before doing. Nothing right or wrong about it, just that u have to get used to it that's all.

Tomorrow marks our 2 years. But down the road, countless of years waiting for us. We are still learning how to be a good wife/husband. It's not something u can learn overnight and master everything. It takes so much pain before u realise how some things can affect each others mindset and mood.

I always believe, u can't change ur partner to suit ur style and preference. All u can do is to change urself to suit theirs. Although I used to find that this is so unfair, but for the sake of loving ur partner, all this doesn't seems to be of any problems anymore.

I hope this learning process will get us somewhere...someday.... Somewhere which we no longer dwell on small issues and quarrel over minor things. Somewhere where I knew this has been what we have been wishing for.

Mr & Mrs Andrew Chua hereby marks our 2 years anniversary.....15 and a half hour in advance =)

March 11, 2011

2011-03-11T04:02:00.003+08:00

Life is just simply unfair, but you cant blame anyone for it. I just need to shout out whats deep inside my heart, i cant hold it any more longer...

When i'm unhappy, I choose to face it myself cos no one gonna understand the real feeling... Telling that someone close to you is simply uselss cos he/she might not see it as a problem. Thats how depression comes about.

I dont wan to blame anybody for the misery but im upset... Really really upset...

I have no idea what is the truth and Im never gonna know it...

I told myself, nah.... its nothing. No a problem at all, but deep inside, its bothering me.

The day when I started my blog, I find it so stupid. Why should I be writing everything on the web and allows everyone to view all the stupid things ive done. As time pass by, i realise this is the only channel that i can feel free to write whatsever on my mind. For the past 3 years, my post have been getting lesser and lesser. Cos i know that there are some things that I cant share nor say....

I just wish someone will really understand my needs and what is important to me. I need that person to protect me from harms and treats. Protect me from the bottom of his heart, protecting me because... Im your wife.... Im tired of talking and entertaining. Please just be that someone whom i need, be that someone who can deliver the vows he said on 29 November 2009...

Sigh.... just another sleepless night....

2011-03-01T20:18:00.002+08:00

我向来秉持着人不犯我，我不犯人的信念。但即使有时候让人踩过界了，我还是会睁一只眼闭一只眼。但我的容忍是有限度的！不要太过份我告诉你！

好在我有一群很好的姐妹。不管任何事，任何时间，永远都这么挺我！让我可以很勇敢的面对所有困难和挑战。有时候，日子虽然很难过，但因为有你们，所困难都变得很简单。

姐妹们，我们一起勇敢地站起来，面对前方所有等着我们的难题！

2011-03-01T19:57:00.002+08:00

I seriously need to get this off my chest before I start going bonker! 真的是好心没好报。实在是有够冤枉的。平白无故惹上一个疯女人. I HAVE ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT IM NOT GOING TO GET INVOLVE IN THIS MATTER! WHY ARE YOU STILL HAUNTING ME LIKE A MAD DOG! AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO CONTACT MY FRIENDS ABOUT THIS FUCKING UNTRUE MATTER!!!

ANDREW HAD ALREADY PAID YOU BACK THE MONEY WHEN HE STRIKE LOTTERY AND YOU YOURSELF WANTS TO TREAT IT AS HE GAVE IT TO YOU! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!? STRIKE LOTTERY GIVE U $4K. U SIAO OR WHAT?!?!?! GO SHOPPING FOR PROPOSAL RING WITH YOUR MUM AND BOUGHT A $7K TIFFANY RING THEN CLAIM FROM ANDREW SAY TREAT THIS AS A PROPOSAL FROM HIM!!! FUCK TO THE MAX!!! WHERE GOT WOMAN LIKE YOU!!! U R THE FIRST AND ONLY ONE I TELL U! NVER PROPOSE TO U STILL CAN BUY RING AND ASK PPL TO PAY. HUHU!!! I SALUTE YOU!

But I tell u honestly, EVEN THOU if Andrew really owe you the money, Im the one who is in charge of his financial, I told him not to pay means NOT TO PAY. I told you that this not my problem and you insist to make it mine. FINE! This is now my problem and fuck you!

Dont let me find out that you are still disturbing my friends, I will not let the matter rest!

U better start realising who you are playing with and stop your crazy act! Fuck you Sammy Sam and Nicholas Goh!!!!

October 08, 2010

2010-10-08T23:36:00.002+08:00

It has been almost 2 months since I started work at Builders Shop. Well, at least not banking anymore. HR is indeed something worth learning. Interesting and yet can be tiring too. Pretty happy over there, nice funny colleagues except for the $$$ and the tedious waiting for approval. Patiently waiting for increment upon my confirmation next month.

Nothing much to update, except for my sleeping time is now very chun ^^ times up and I will just show u the 'I want to sleep-look'...keke. Now is my BB whose timing is opp. Keep on chasing the HK drama. Really buay tahan him sometimes. Sleep in the morning then cannot wake up in time to go for work.

Hmmm.. talking about this, the art of marriage is really sometime u have to learn for the rest of your life. It doesnt ends at PhD. You will only get a 终身成就奖 when u die one day. Its nvr a easy thing. Once you decided to have that person by your side for the next 50years, you have to take all the nonsense, weird temper, bad habits...blah blah blah... Something u wouldnt get to see when u r just dating.

But still, It always feels good to have that special someone standing by you =)

August 07, 2010

2010-08-07T18:23:00.002+08:00

*weee* It's my Bday month!! Officially turning 28th.... Old liao siah!!! *Damn*

It's a week of roller coaster. Went for interview @Damean Marketing last Friday. Their Sales MD called up to offer me the HR Administrator position on Saturday. Started work on Monday and I resigned on Thursday. Wa lau eh. Power de lo I tell u. Ka dulan is I sprain my leg on first day of work in the office. Super power sprain la! My ankle swollen plus Boo-Brack lo. *TMD* BB still got to put aside his work and fetch me to Bukit Merah there to see sinseh. Stupid sinseh damn arrogant, BUT have to admit that he is good la. I dont feel the pain the next morning. Good de nor.

Anyway, BB is so nice to bring me for shopping @Jurong Point on Sunday before I start work. I bought 2 heels, 1 flats and 2 tops. BB even help me choose the design. I was surprised that he actually know what kind of heels I'm looking for. So I actually bought 2 different colours of the same design. Luckily I didnt bought the suit from G2000 cos the pants doesnt have my size. We happen to pass by GNC and we have been wanting to get some supplements from there. BB's cousin recommended us the Women's Ultra-Mega and dunnno what Dietary thing for BB. Hope it helps to improve our chance of pregnancy bah.

After which, we drove to Jurong Safra to have our take-away meals in the car. I had Sake & Tako sashimi and BB had Yashitori Bento. BB knows I love their Chicken skin and Pork asparagus, so he bought xtra stick for me. Sweet sweet nor *love love*

After out meals, we had a nice indulgence spa @Mastro Spa. Promo price of $58 for each person. The staff there is so nice that they actually request 2 staffs to stay back just to do our business as they've already closed for the day. Shiok to the max but BB finds it okay niah.

Anyway it still feels good going back to working life. Provided that the job is what I want and no more shit jobs like the last one. Of course I'm still actively finding jobs and Charlene dear dear is so nice to help me hunt for job thru her recruitment agency.

Meantime, I'm back to Tai tai life again (for the time being). If I've yet to find a job by 20th, I'll be following BB to India Chennai for 2 days. India....sounds scary. Haha!!

Now @BB's Bedok Reservoir office waiting for the National Day Celebration Dinner to start at 7pm.

29 July, 2010

2010-07-29T07:09:00.002+08:00

我们都见识过真爱的力量。但也因为这两个字，把很多人给害惨了。你到底知不知道这两个字的真正定义？所谓的珍惜就是确保以后不会有后悔。失去的永远都找不回来。眼前的一切，看似不重要。但你可知道，有一天，当这些都消失之后，剩下的，只有后悔莫及的回忆。。。

Was talking to Michelle over the phone for over an hour yest night. Every year, Michelle and I pray that the next year will be a better year. But every "new" year, some "new" thing will happen. But yet, we laugh about it. Haha. We accept it. Ever since 2005, I make it a habit to visit Thai every year. Of course I've got what I pray for and lose what I hope for too.

Memories, memories, memories. Yes, memories is the most precious gift god given to us. But god gave us the ability to create happy memories and sad memories. Since you've been given the choice, why choose the later one?

We never realise the importancy of what's right in front of us at this moment. I'm not a pastor and I'm not here to preach my believe. But I'm sure you know right in your heart that what I've said is so true and yet people doesn't practise it.

I love and try my best to treasure what's around me. I don't want to regret some day. Regret is the most stupid word in dictionery! Once it's done, it's done. Of course I do believe that sometimes, people tends to do something out of anger or out of fun, but the consequences is not something you can regret about.

I'm saying all this to someone. Hoping that one day he will realise what it meant. Hoping that he understand the meaning of treasure and not regret.

I also pray hard for that little girl who have given up so much and yet hanging on to that love she believe. 我衷心地祝福她，希望老天能眷顾她。祝你幸福 =)

23 July, 2010

2010-07-23T08:41:00.008+08:00

7.42am Indonesia time. I'm awake at 4am plus. Slept really early yesterday cos im sooooo tired. Suppose to go for a body massage, but i simply fell asleep once i lye on bed. Had been visiting farm and packaging house for the past two days. Thou its tiring, but I just feel happy with hubby around =). Yes, I'm now in Indonesia - Bandung. Will be flying back this morning at 11am plus.

Nice weather in Bandung. Cooling just like Genting. Finally did some shopping around just now at Heritage. Its quite a famous attraction where ppl came from everywhere to shop for cheap clothing, shoes and bags. Thou its cheap, but just not our famous. Haha. But I still manage to get myself a top, a dress, a shirt and a jacket.

One of the supplier took us to Sushi Tei for dinner aftermath. Nice and familiar food. Sundanese cuisine is not bad, just not very use to the taste thou.

Went back to hotel after dinner as the 3 of us really couldnt stand it anymore. Damn bloody tired. Woke up at 4 plus to have steak lo. Yummy.

Craving for coffee now. Gonna peek at the lobby see whether got any breakfast. Heh =) Okie some photos to share!

May 28, 2010

2010-05-28T10:13:00.003+08:00

五月就快结束了。。不知不觉，我和老公认识了一年一个月又十天。再过三个月，就是我们的一周年结婚纪念日。总是觉得，时间真的过得太快了。快乐和不快乐，根本没时间消化。匆匆忙忙，每个人似乎快忘了快乐是舍么。并不是我觉得不快乐，而是。。有时人一忘本，就会得寸进尺。本应该觉得快乐的事，反而一点也不觉得快乐。

我常常告诉我自己，要知足，这样才能过得快乐一些。有多少人能够做得到这一点呢？去羡慕别人拥有的，反而忽略了身边一些更重要的人和事。有些事情，真的不能计较太多。人生本来就已经够苦了，何必让自己更加不快乐呢？生命的开始和结束，都有人在身边为你哭泣，那中间的部分，是不是更应该开心=）

话说到这里，我到底想说舍么。。算了。。说了也没用。。可能只是因为睡不着，想发发牢骚而已吧。。

有些事还是放在心底，自己知道就好。说了也不见得会有舍么改变，也不见得会有人愿意帮你实现。

幸福。。我真的拥有了吗？也许吧。。

有人说，付出并不一定能得到同等的回报，甚至不应该奢望有回报。但对我而言，付出是应该得到回报的。亲子间，朋友间，兄弟姐妹间，夫妻间，都应该如此。夫妻间，如果只有一方努力的付出，那唯一的结局将会是。。离婚。。付出本来就不容易，当然期望有回报。我不是菩萨，慈悲为怀，普度众生。我没有那么伟大的情怀。

很多事情我还是不能释怀，也始终不明白。但我选择当鸵鸟，当作舍么事都没发生过。我不能勉强别人给我一个解释，我只好给我自己一个我觉得是我想要的答案。误会往往都是这样产生的，但如果那个人对我已经不再重要了，又有舍么关系呢？

好了。。累了。。该去睡了。。。一觉醒来，一切会更好！！！晚安 =）哦不对，是早安！

April 09, 2010

2010-04-09T08:06:00.002+08:00

My first blog posted using my iPhone. Pretty convenient thou =) was reading thru my older post in 2008 and realize that something that I said actually came true. I mentioned that if a guy whom I had feeling for propose to me, I would married him immediately. The dating process will leave for later on. Haha, and here I am, he propose after a month and we got married 2 days before our 4th month.

Well arguement does occurs, it's normal isn't it. Looking at couples whom have been together for 11 years can go separated. Anything can happen. I can't be 100% sure that thus kinda things wouldn't happen to me, but at least I know for now, I've made a right choice. I know my Hubby love and dotes on me a lot, so do I.

I do pray that those who are facing a difficult time now, be strong and have faith. Things will be right in place for those who choose to believe. For me, I do.. And that is why I'm still here today.

Okay enuff of the preaching. Haha. There will be pretty much travelling with my Hubby. Well all business trips but haha I just follow along to shop and relax =p Sabah, Cambodia, Brunei, China Chengdu, etc. Oh not forgetting Bangkok, must be there to return prayer before July. It's a yearly must do thing!

Gg to sleep now... 8:23am... Hubby's gg to work soon!

March 31, 2010

2010-03-31T11:15:00.002+08:00

Was on FB and suddenly thought of my blog. Haha, and I was like, oh ya...my blog... Damn, stay home for too long and my brain is not really functioning now =p

Browsing through my older posts and I grin, was I that devastated at that time. There's this particular post that was exactly March 31, 2009, haha, it was 2 extreme from my feeling today. Things can really change over night. Of course, for better or for worse...life goes on u know. Survivor instinct!

Friends around me, some are happily getting in love again, some just got separated and some are having cold wars. It really gets my feeling up and down like a roller coaster. Just hope that everything gets well and happily ever after bah.

Next will be a short weekend trip on May 7th to 9th with my hubby, Val Shu Ting, Andy, AJ and her hubby Sam. Looking forward to it!!

Not forgetting my trip to Bangkok again in July, my long-waited honeymoon to Japan & Hawaii and Australia!!!

Trying hard for a baby this few months. But it seems that the more u hope for it, u dont get it. Getting some supplements from GNC and also some folic acids. Hope my dream comes true once again.

Lalalala....Jia You!!

7 June, 2009

2009-06-07T13:09:00.002+08:00

Hi its me again =) Have been neglecting my blog for a long long time le. Well nothing much besides that Im getting married.

I know that lotsa ppl have been pondering why am I rushing into it. Maybe you ppl, u might think that I should think through it and dont make the decision so fast. I know very well that maybe not many ppl out there will think that we can make it there. I dont need anything else but all your blessing.

I came a long way here. Now I have the blessing from my parents and Andrew's parents. Its more than enough. Things are happening. Good things...

Yes my ROM will be on August 16 @Rendezvous Hotel. Family and close friends will definitely be there to share my happiness. Wait for my invitation ya. Im still working hard on the hotel part. Those hotels that can accomodate our tables are fully booked. I have no choice but to get my daddy to pick an alternative auspicious date other than 29 November 2009. As for the wedding shot and package, still waiting for Joel's help. Of course, we will drop by the wedding fair on June 26 to check out the prices and in case we can get some cheap deals.

My soon-to-be hubby is getting really busy. I have to get things on track in order to meet the tight schedule. He is now looking into this new shop and is planning to open a supermarket. Its gg to be a big project as the shop is about 8 shops size of 5000 over sq feet. So besides the exisiting 2 24/7 retails shops in Bedok, this project is giving him headache. After this shop will be his import business in China and his cut fruit/salad bar/fruit juice shop.

Im sure I wouldnt be staying long in Citi anymore. After my customary, my next plan will be to have a baby. Yes I want to become a mummy. Thats the biggest plan we had together. Of course I will stop working when Im pregnant. Reason is very simple, Im very clumsy to be exact, so hubby doesnt wants me to work after that.

Right after my customary, 2 months later will be my elder bro's turn. Joy is filling up my house and to all my friends out there, please share this happy news with me. Wait for my bomb!!! hahahaha..... Cheers!!!!

23 April, 2009

2009-04-23T22:58:00.004+08:00

Finally able to find some time to post something here =) its slightly different feeling now. After a year....finally im attached again. Its rather sudden but well, as long as things is right, everything seems to be so right. Well he's sitting beside me right now looking at what im writing now. He's name is Andrew and ya...my hubby =)

I started this blog when im single and over 100 posts, I found him. Its not easy to go through everything by myself and able to have him by my side, nothing is more happier than that. I know that my darling and dear dears are all very happy for me and im happy for myself too. Well, my parents is happy too =)

I do hope that this will really be the last one. Sincerely hope so. Im tired of talking and writing about all the depressing stuff and i hope that from now on, onlyhappy things will be posted here. We started on April 18 and this will be the date i will remember from now on. I never feel happier while writing this piece of blog as i have him with me now. Previously i have been telling myself that I will not fall in love so soon and i myself was surprised that I can fall in love again. Its true that when one is down, all things seems to be came crashing down, but when one is happy, everything seems to beso happy too.

Its been a long time since i last lead a normal life beside drinking and drinking and drinking. The feeling of gg out for a lunch or dinner, strolling away makes me feel so loved and blissful. Nothing can be as happy as being with their love ones.

I thank all of u for ur blessing and the love you ppl showered me with when im single and down. I remembered that and I promise i will only get better just like what i wrote in my previous posts. A stronger me and a happier me. My wish that i wrote on the wishing ball at marine parade came true..... a happier me in 2009. I wish this request of mine will be forever and not just 2009.

Dear all....Im in love again =)

Josephine is back ^_^

11 April, 2009

2009-04-11T06:01:00.002+08:00

602am Was feeling really tired and sleepy just then, but after reaching home and have a cold bathe, I'm kinda awake again.

Just like what I have just wrote on my FB wall, things are getting a little bit out of control. Well in the sense of my own emotions. I realise...I really fallen in love with him. I kept telling myself that nothing's gonna be like what I expected or I should say hope but... I'm still clinging on to some believe that I had in.

Maybe some other things is now in the right place but still...I don't understand why should I be the one carrying all these burdens... Soon I will find myself holding 2 jobs and yah, keep myself busy and away from all the unnecessary troubles. I have no choice and seriously I don't want to. I don't know how long can my body and mind take it with all these things coming along my way. I hate myself having to live this kinda hell.

Its already 9 months since Jackson left me and today, I'm still in search of that someone who can stay by my side. Most importantly of all, I have to love him as well... Maybe I'm just not worth that someone's love or care bah. I already give him and myself the benefit of doubts, but as time goes by, I realise I'm just lying to myself.

All those that I was once with, is now happily or maybe happily with another one. Yet here I am, all by myself. I always thought that by telling your closest friends or buddy about your own problems or thinking might prevent my depression from relapsing but now I realise it doesn't really helps... I can feel that it's coming back, just that this time, I no longer cry, I no longer have any feelings and stuffs like this. It's far worse than before. This time round, the idea and urge of ending everything is stronger than before too.

Nevertheless, I'm still holding on to it, believing that I can survive and become tougher a Joe.

Was out for steamboat with Darling Josephine and Charlene Dear Dear this evening. Passed by a few bridal shop and yah, the feeling sucks. The idea of getting married by 24 and have my own baby by 27 no longer exist. I cant turn back the clock and yes...Im 27 this year....still single...still in search of a someone.

Mum and Dad is my strongest pole to survive for now. Please dont let anymore things to come across my way. You have given me the worse and please please please....not anymore.

622am...time to sleep....long weekend is half gone. My room had got a new layout today. Thanks mum for cleaning up and rearrange everything for me. I love it. Muacks...

05 April, 2009

2009-04-05T05:18:00.005+08:00

I was in a bad mood today, dunno why, just dont feel like talking or yah even drinking. Reahced home pretty early at 5am (well the norm is about 8 to 9am).

Was at Serangoon Graden drinking with Weixiang at about 9 plus. First time drinking with him and and well he was a pretty good drinking kakis. Afterwhich move over to Hakuba with Darling and waiting for dear dear Charlene to come over from Boiler. It was boring night thou maybe bcos of my own emo mood bah.

I cant help thinking what is xxxxx doing now and stuff but really, there's nothing much I can do. Im a nobody to him maybe. Sometimes, disappointment tends to surround me and loneliness came looking for me every now and then.

I was thinking about Huggi meantime. Also thinking about how is he. Well I was talking to Weixiang about him just then. Huggi meant something to me in the sense that he is the one who help me up and I manage to pull through the darkest night. Without him, I wouldnt be here. Reading his blog was one of my previous past time or to be exact I should say a-must-do thing everyday. From there I know what happen to him. Was he in a bad mood? Happy? Excited over his new car collection? Pissed over Dr John giving him nonsense? But now, his link is no longer available. I have totally lost contact with him. How are you now.... No matter how many ppl past by my life, I never forgotten about you. ..

There's so much things in my minds, but none can be solve. Its driving me crazy. Almighty, can you guide me thru and let me know what more can I do.

连你都会残忍隔绝我的心能要谁了解眼中烛光摇晃着熄灭
为何把我推向边缘被砸坏了的一切卡住了我让我无法往前
囚禁在距离笑声最远的房间单独隔离寂寞地盘旋

全世界都停了电全世界都封了街我所有窗子外面被贴上黑夜
我呐喊思念却没人听见绝望到极点剩的是疲倦
全世界都停了电全世界白雪满天才发觉在我心间有回忆碎片
一作梦翻身就刺痛流血我卷着身体缩成一个圈像一个句点

Some things just cant be force and it just cant be give up so easily. But to some others, they can just let go of things that they love or used to love so much. I dont understand...I really dont. I have so much to say but now, everything seems to stuck in somewhere of my brain and I really dunno what to say anymore.... I just feel like giving up...yah...giving up of myself....really....just one fine day when I have enough courage to do so...

31 March, 2009

2009-03-31T23:39:00.003+08:00

Another 20 mins and it's April fool day =) This year is passing really fast. Have not accomplish any of my wish and goals yet. Just living more and more aimlessly as days go by..

Work is really getting stagnant. Im beginning to hate routine and to be exact, I just hate everything Im gg through now. Cant blame anyone for it so what to do, just blame myself and lead my life like nobody business. Ignoring all the check up that I have to go, be it diabetes or tyroid or whatever shit, just come k. If theres a way to end everything faster please come to me by all means.

U know what, I always treasure what I have especially when it comes to friends, relationship and family. To me, yes I do have a lotsa friends but I dont have much friends that you can really talk about everything under the sun. You dont need more, just 3 to 4 will be just right. Dont take it to heart about some tiny little stuff. Such friends doesnt come by easily. U spend the time to maintain and understand each other. They are just like a shrink and u really dont have to say much and there they know what you are thinking, and how you feel.

I wouldnt let go of xxxxx is also purely because I treasure the feeling I have for him. Its been a long time since I last had that kinda feeling. Im afraid that once I let go, I cant find back that feeling anymore. Just like now, I forgotten how to cry.... I just wonder where had all my tears gone to. Maybe things will soon settle down and him being somebody else's husband, but still, I will remember the feeling that you have given me. I know that no miracle will happen and stop dreaming about it....but....lotsa buts....

Its a never ending sadness and loneliness for me.... where had all the ppl that I love gone to....

Chantal dear dear, is everything okay? Hope you can really be firm on your stand this time. I know I have been repeating myself over and over again, but I just wanna drill all these facts into your tiny little cute brain k. Trust me, its not worth it and why torture yourself by sticking with just a loser? Love is to make one happy and this is not the way you should be living ya. U deserve better things out there. Remember? The grass is greener out there and world is wider than you can imagine. Most importantly, take care of your health k, although I have too also...haha. Okay then, we shall "yi qi jia you" k. GAMBATE YO!!!!

Josephine darling and Charlene dear dear....dont gimme hard time k. We have been spending so much of our time together for the past one month and we see each other more than anyone else, so do you think this is the way you two want? Drinking kakis, listener, laughing buddy and all that you can describe. I treasure knowing and having both of you and I do hope you all feel the same way too. We all have our temper and as far as we are concern....all the 3 of us are very very very short tempered. You know sometimes we just get irritated by something that you might not think is a prom, but yet it just happen to irritate the other party. Everything in this world that happen is a two way thing. Just know our part and understand the other part, nothing is a prom. We are so close because we know each other so well that when even if one party did something wrong, we will not get angry over it this kinda thingy ya??...

Okay, im tired...gg to slp now....gals i love you all and yah... i miss u...yes you....

27 March, 2009

2009-03-27T23:34:00.002+08:00

At Hakuba now...writing while waiting for Darling and Charlene while talking to Randy.

Was at home browsing facebook. Had not been logging in for quite some time. Life is just getting boring. seriously speaking....Im tired....tired of everything...my life...my living habit...my singlehood. It might be full of freedom but too much freedom that sometimes I just wish that I can just sit home, lying by my side and watch a movie, munching titbits... and when I need to pour out woes, there's a listening ear. When I need to cry....there's a shoulder there for me...

I really did try to accept someone else, but sometimes, things are just not that simple and it just cant be force. Even though I did try but its just the wrong person again.... I just hate that feeling... The feeling of not being able to love.

Living my life the other way round. Night and day twisting over.... Drinking and smoking away doesnt help. Maybe I could have just stop all this one of this day... letting go...

Huggi msn me just then asking me whether I have any knowledge of can food...and suddenly he disappear again...hmmm....like I say, he just like to ask weird qns and so weird stuff.

Okay....Dear Dear and darling is here.... byeeee..... =) Love u all...

眼泪知道

2009-03-22T10:38:00.002+08:00

云在走雨在飘

好多悲伤在风中笑心在烧泪在掉你的背叛没有人知道

说爱我好不好就当作是乞讨
哪怕说出口只需要一秒你都不要
我的痛像把刀血在流看得到你却在她怀抱微笑

如果连自尊都已经不再需要
这个世界什么爱你买不到
天真全都可以倒掉
海誓山盟变成一种玩笑
如果连誓言都已经不再重要
还有什么事值得你去骄傲
所有承诺随风燃烧

给你的爱已经停止心跳你可知道

22 March, 2009

2009-03-22T09:50:00.002+08:00

955am....In my mummy's shop. Not that I wake up early, just that I have not sleep yet. Lulu is angry with me. Yah its my fault, I forgotten that its his birthday and I'm not there at hush. I'm sorry, really sorry. U can blame me for all you want. Maybe I'm just such a person that I forgotten every single one's birthday. Seriously speaking, I cant even remember my own bro birthday not even my mum. I can only remember my dad's birthday. Be it this is the case a not, I'm not bo xim that's all. Maybe to you or to anyone, there's something more important out there for me. U can think whatever you wanna think. There's so much things that....seriously....I don't have to explain to anyone. I always think that as long as I like it, there's nothing I cant do.

I hate being misunderstood and I hate explaining. That's me. Take it or leave it. It's just hard living in such a society u know. For example Edison Chen and Gillian, basically what they have done is of their own will and its their own personal life, just because they are celebrity, things are being magnified and blown up. Edison did nothing wrong by sending his laptop for repair and ended pictures being stolen and posted all over the net. And yes, even if he did it wrong by not protecting the pictures with password, all the pictures are taken willingly by Gillian and Cecelia. No one is in the position to blame them for anything. As for me, Im not a celebrity, not a public figure, not anyone....so who is there to judge what I should do and what I should not.

I drink, I smoke, I gamble manjong & soccer, I pub, I club and I race, I speed, I play number balls, I go home in the morning....does that mean Im a bad girl? I just need someone to love me just like how I love him. There's nothing wrong with it, moreover I started not knowing that he had a gf... There's ppl outside willing to love me and pampered me and yet I chosen not to accept anyone of them as the feeling is just not right.

xxxxx is not someone special. He did nothing to make me happy and he did nothing to make me love him. It's just the feeling. It's unexplainable. I do not fall in love easily. I used to love a guy for 13 solid years when knowing that nothing will bloom between us. Till date, we are still good friends and we keep in touch in a regular basis. There's a total of 4 mens in my life that I truely love despite they have hurt me in all ways. Jeremy, Victor, Kenneth and Jackson. Jackson is the one and only whom I thought he will be the last. We are planning for marriage and things was getting on so fine until the one fine day when he changed. I still cant accept the fact till date. Im still hoping one day he will be back. This is the part where I still believe and it wouldnt change.

Be it there's now one more person whom I care for, it's not gg to change anything. Only that Im sad by one more thing now. Some thing....there's no return. U cant blame the person for loving someone impossible and also, u cant blame someone for not loving you. Every now and then, I cried my way home after sending him back. I hate that kinda of feeling, but do you understand that its not something that I ask for. U might think I deserve it and so be it. Im courting my trouble and thats a fact. Im asking for a miracle.

Be it relationship, family, work or friends, I tried my best to do what I can and give them all the real me. But being too real is bringing me too much trouble.

傻瓜我们都一样被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样却又再一次受伤
傻瓜我们都一样受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价代价只是一句傻瓜...

21 March, 2009

2009-03-21T06:58:00.002+08:00

7am in the morning and here I am. He's not here today and yet knowing where he is now and who is he with brings me nothing but a sharp pain in my heart.

I thought its suppose to be just a game but I realise its not. Things will not get any better. I dont need anyone to tell me whats right and whats worng. I know, everything is wrong right from the beginning. I begin to hate myself.

For the past one week, things have never been right. Everything.....

I was thinking while drving home just then. He's all in my mind. Thinking about everything he have said. I really have no idea why am I clinging onto something impossible. I cant bring myself to let him disappear from my life. Everything is just not right. Is he enjoying himself now? Is he cuddling happily with her down there? Am I out of his mind now???

All I can do is to continue with my drinking and smoking. I dont want all these.... I dont want...

16 March, 2009

2009-03-16T23:50:00.004+08:00

Guess Im really tired.... Im tried....

There's so many "maybe" popping out in my mind. Maybe this...maybe that....maybe you....maybe me...maybe....her....

Im unhappy. Deep down in the bottom of my heart...Im unhappy and to be exact....hurt.... I did many many many things...just to have u by my side...at the end of the day, guess I will be the only stupid person standing alone in the rain and you....with her cuddling inside a warm blanket.

Im always try there for u, Im always be the one sitting by the side watching...Im always the one to send you and everyone back and ended up alone in the driver seat almost dozing off...no msg...no care...nothing from you. I accepted all this cos you mean something to me. But to you, Im nothing....literally nothing. You never ask me whether Im home after sending you back, you never ask me whethere I have eaten anything, you never ask anything abt how am I.... I can take it no matter what, but why am I doing all these???? Why???? Am I nothing better to do??? Am I an idoit???? Am I not good enough??? Am I not even worth comparing to her despite all that I have done??? All the thoughts that I have spare for you.....

Many times I told myself, be heartless and let him go....But gals...its not that easy. Its not easy to find someone whom you love, not easy to.... That is why I always treasure my relationship but resulted that the opposite party wanna free himself. Again and again.. I told myself to learn from my lesson and be a better girl, but what have I done wrong again? Is it a crime to love someone? Or is it a crime to love someone who has a gf and is already very sure that she is the one. Why am I clinging onto a unrevokable feelings.... I hate myself for being myself. Can I just lie to myself that Im selfish, lie to myself that Im heartless, lie to myself that....I dont love him at all.

I tried means and ways to make myself look just like a normal shadow and not yours, but I cant seems to be able to walk out from it. I tried to be just like a stranger to you when she is ard...I did all that I can to make myself as tiny as possible when she is around. Why must I stoop myself so low till I dont even recognise myself anymore.

I really wish I can find an answer to all the above question, I hope one day you can see what I wrote here as I cant bring myself to say any of the above to you face to face. Just one fine day.... you will really understand how I feel....not just a..... I dont wanna be a shadow but for now....things will still remains the same as usual as you will never get to see all this posting about you....all the missing ....all the dreams....all the smile of you in my mind....I just pray that this feeling will not wear off that soon....

good nightz everyone, my dears, darling and baby. I love you all....muackz....

12 March, 2009

2009-03-12T16:56:00.002+08:00

Trying real hard to control and sort out my mind. I have so much to say, so much to write....but right now, my mind is just blank.

He is all in my mind now. All the things he've said just keep repeating in my mind over and over again... Things are just going uncontrollable and out of hand. I wanna keep myself away from him... but I cant help it. I really wanna let go of him and free him from my world...but things just dont happen the way I want it to be. Yes I love him, but he cant be love. Its a mistake right from the beginning. I thought its just a little crush on him but as time goes by, I realise its something more than that. Nothing is going to come out from this relationship and I know that. Like I say, I never regretted what I have done and even for now, Im just a shadow....

Im not in the position to be jealous or angry about anything. I just enjoy the part of having you by my side, enjoying you talking to me about your past and your feelings, enjoying the moment of just you and me. Be it that one day, you will be somebody's husband, what matter is just now and nothing else. I know no matter what happen, you will still goes back to her. Do you understand that the main reason Im staying put is because of the word....Love....

Whatever it is...ppl will never understand why should a person fall in love with someone whom you know that is impossible. Why should I understand? Its the feeling that counts. Im just a very emotional person to be exact. I believe in my feeling and I always follow it. Why think so much. We live just once...do what you think you should do and do what you think will make you happy. Maybe Im doing something which I know I will ended up getting hurt, but I just enjoy the feeling of loving a person. Looking at him, knowing that he will turn around and smile at me, afraid that I will get angry when he plays too crazy with others. But still, I cant get angry as you doesnt belongs to me.

Love is just something that makes ppl go crazy... I have to stay focus focus focus....wish me luck...

March 01, 2009

2009-03-01T22:42:00.003+08:00

Its been a long long time since I last updated my blog. Not that Im lazy, just that Im busy partying my life away thats all. Yah....partying....

Am I really into this kinda life? Do I really want it to be this way? Do I really like to drink and smoke my life away? U know what....I seriously do not find anything wrong with living my life this way. Beside spoiling my own health (which was already poor since young), I occupy my life with friends, friends and friends. Life is not always as good as you want it to be. You cant do anything to it but to accept the fact. Im trying hard to accept the fact that I might one day, lose everything that I had. Its not easy. I work the hard way through and despite all that I have done....everything went down the drain. Maybe like what my parents says....let it go....but if not because of them, I wouldnt have ended having nothing today. Or maybe even you will tell me, u deserve it. If you choose not to trust or help them, no one can force u to do so. But if that person is your beloved, be it bro, bf, or even closed friends, I seriously dont have the heart to reject any of their request which is within my means.

Sometimes I do hate myself for being so useless and not knowing the art of rejection. Cosing miserable to myself and to those who might have got hurt in the process. To many, Im a party animal, an alcoholic, a crazy girl who never stop behaving like one....thats not me. People change...I used to be such a quiet and introvet gal who can dont even step out of the house for months. Today,what you see is just an evolution. A girl who have been hurt countlessly and endlessly by those whom I loved them with all my heart. Of course, I can choose to forgive and forget, but trust me, memories cant be easily erased as and when you want to. We all live in this world to learn and gain something from it. Part and parcel of life..... We cant compare ourself to the others as we are all different individual. If u were to compare yourself to the others, its gonna be a neverending story.

Thats why you ppl know that I dont like ppl to console me, telling me stuffs like stop drinking, smoke lesser, sleep earlier blah blah blah....u know I wont listen. For now, please let me be who I am, destroying my life away or letting go of myself, its all about myself. No one is to be blame for whats going to happen to me. I can only blame it on myself. I thanks everyone who are beside me, lending me your hands and ears, pulling me up when I fall and listening to me when I need to talk. I sincerely thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I love u all..

I just got myself to take the first step out to solve my main issue. This issue is gonna to take years before it can be solved. Nothing else I can do. I have to take this solution before I get crazy. Wish me luck....

February 11, 2009

2009-02-11T20:34:00.002+08:00

Sick...suffering from gastroenteritis aka gastric flu. Sigh....the feeling sucks. Kept vomiting and having runs...damn...

Im being tortured both mentally (my mind) and physically (im sick) these few days. I just have the feeling that im very mean. How can I be like this...what the hell is wrong with me....how can i do this....im sorry....really sorry. I just couldnt help it. I always thought that im strong enough to control my mind rather than my emotions controlling me, but now, i realise im wrong. Ver worng to be exact...

I have friends reading my blog every now and then, but the person whom I wish he would get to see it, will never do so....i miss you so much....

When i first broke off with Jackson, luckily Huggi was there to talk to me and keep me occupied. Thats how I manage to pull through that period. I really thank huggi for that. I just wish that your life is getting on good and everything is fine for you. How's your inury? I saw your recent pic in msn, u r so thin now, but looks good =) I have not spoke to you for like 3 or4 months, u r really busy with stuff yah. Jia you bah....

I really have nothing much to say. Im just tired of my daily routine and that I dont wish to add on any other unnecessary worries to others. Take care guys and yah... =)

你不是真正的快乐

2009-02-08T21:39:00.003+08:00

人群中哭着你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了你已经决定了

你静静忍着紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜就是越伤人了
越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割

你不是真正的快乐你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

这世界笑了於是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则不是你的选择
於是你含着眼泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着

你不是真正的快乐你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了然后才后悔着

你不是真正的快乐你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了

你值得真正的快乐你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什麽失去了还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤全部结束在此刻重新开始活着

我还想她

2009-02-08T21:19:00.002+08:00

泪水将我淹没到底谁该难过究竟是谁放掉这段感情
我才终于明白办不到的承诺就成了枷锁
现实中幸福永远缺货

请告诉她我不爱她笑着难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎横了心说真心谎话
别告诉她我还想她恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口就让沉默代替所有回答

我不爱我不痛我不懂
我的心早已经掏空真心话言不由衷

请告诉她我不爱她笑着难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎横了心说真心谎话
别告诉她我还想她恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口就让沉默代替所有回答

08 February, 2009

2009-02-08T19:13:00.002+08:00

I have been thinking a lot before posting this piece. Ups and downs...ups and downs....too much for me to take it.

End of my first week at Outward team. Not bad thou...leaving office pretty early compare to lockbox. Something I have been looking forward to ever since I join IPU 2 years back. Of course there will be more to learn from tmrw onwards as my IDs and applications will be up for use.

Firstly, I would like to apologise for my indecisive and unpredictable behaviour. I have been analyzing myself again and again. What do I really want. I met up with Jackson on Friday night. He wants back the buddha pendant which he passed to me previously when we were still together. Guess he was too busy with stuff and so I offered to drive down and pass it back to him. He told me he will be at Rain with Shaun and gang at about 8pm. I was at home at 7 plus butI purposely take my time to have my dinner, shower and preparation. I reached there at about 10pm. I told myself, I will just passed him the pendant and off I go, but my emotions overlapped my determination. I sat down with them for a drink. He look so run down and out of sudden....my heart hurts....u know, all the hatred that I had vanish at that point of time. His hair was pretty long and I ask him why not go for a hair cut. He say he cant as its not over 100 days yet and then I remembered that his dad passed away suddenly. I ask him why didnt he inform me abt it and he say he didnt inform anyone at all. Well, since its over, there's nothing much I can do.

And then I ask him to sing a song as it been a long time since I last heard him sing. As you know, he was my idol and yah, he still sounds as good as before. At that point of time, everything came back. All the memories....and right at that moment....I know I stll miss him a lot. Really a lot... How I wish I could just give him a big bear hug. I didnt stay there for long as he left quite early. He got worried when his mum didnt pick up his call and I left together with him. The smile he gives me is still the same as before... I cried at the carpark after he drove off. I called up Lulu asking him where to go and yah, we ended up at Hush as usual. I cried my way there...Lulu asked me why am I crying again....and I told him....I really miss Jackson a lot. So much than I can imagine.

All the while, I thought I have sort out my thoughts....but I realise I didn't....not even a single bit.... All that I have done for the past half a year is all redundant....I hated myself for being so useless...I cant even give up a person who hurt me so much and let me fell so hard....

I dont know what more can I say or what more can I do. Im sorry. I tried. But for now, please gimme sometime....I know you guys are really nice and care about me, but if possible, can I choose not to think and make any decision. Can everything be just like normal....can let me be who I want for now... can let me behave and do as I wish for now.....

Just some feelings..

2009-02-01T19:46:00.002+08:00

Things just keep coming... u know, it came so fast that I dont even have the time to react.

It just came and it just happen and before I realise, its gone. Im so afraid that one day, I will be so used to this kinda feeling that I will not pay attention to anything that really needs my attention. Im so afraid that I will lose someone who really might be the one for me....

I was asking Ah hee and Keith, if ur ex came back for u, will u accept him/her back? They was like telling me, that gotta depends on what's the reason that you two broke off. I say what if its because of character wise? Ah hee was saying, 4 yrs ago u two broke off because of both your character is not meant for each other, do u think that 4 years later, things will be different? I told him, 4 years ago, he was playful and unstable, he might be different now.... haha. But to be exact, its in the blood, he's still a wild horse. Be it 4 yrs ago or now, he's still the same.

Well maybe its time i shall settle down my mind and think through what is it that I want and am I ready to commit myself into another relationship. There are so many nice guys out there and I know that. I have been escaping the fact and deceiving myself that all good man are dead. Drinking and smoking away doesnt bring me back anything.

Yesterday I was having dinner with my family and cousins at Serangoon. I reached slightly later as I told my parents to meet up with them first and I will drive there myself later. My dad called up 3 times asking me where am I and afraid that I will lost my way. He's been looking out for my car and the moment I turn into the carpark, he walked out and offered to help me park my car so that I can have my dinner first. This is my daddy. Always there looking out for me, making sure that I have enough to spend and had my meals. He never worries that he doesnt have enough or even he's already on stress. He always make sure that my car is sparkling clean and that my season parking is renewed on time. He's always making sure that Im not coughing and when I am, the pills is ready for me...I have in hand 2 bottles of pills just for my coughing. He will always make sure that I have the necessary medication with me when I fly overseas as this daughter of his is always so careless, clumsy and weak. I just wanna say....thanks daddy. I love you so much. I have never say all this words to you but I really know what you have done and deep in my heart, I love you so much. Im such a failure having you to worry about me when Im already 27.... Im sorry.... Im sorry to have made you so worried when I broke up with Jackson. Causing you nights and nights without sleep...I always remember you telling me whoever that hurts you is not worth my crying cause it will only ache his heart. he will always be the one to love me forever. So baby dont cry.....

My tears couldnt stop dripping down while writing all this.....I couldnt imagine the day if my parents cant be with me anymore....I hope that this day will never come....

What my daddy does for me are the criteria I have in looking for a husband. I do hope that I can really find that someone who will take care of me and look out for me just like what my daddy does...where are you....Im still patiently waiting for you to come into my life....a shoulder for me to lean on whenever I wanna cry, a pair of ears that will listen when I need to pour out woes....a heart that will love me forever....a pair of eyes that will always look out for me....a pair of hands that will hold mine and feels as if he had the whole world....a big hand that will pat my head and tells me to be strong and dont cry...a pair of legs that will bring me everywhere...a pair of arms to protect from wind and rain and from any danger...that person who will look into my eyes and tells me I love you and will always be by my side....are you the one???....

February 01, 2009

2009-02-01T06:09:00.002+08:00

609am...and here i am. well very seldom that u will see wide awake at this hour. usually its either im high bcos of all the alcohol or either im already in my dreamland.

just came back from 2 rounds of drinking at hush and darts. pretty disappointing day as those that are suppose to appear did not appear. well quite use to it thou. anyway im having my pms so...yah....just ignore me.

i didnt went out yest night as i was really really tired that i fell asleep at abt 11pm and woke up when Yanni msg me at 1230pm. she was down with flu and lost her voice. poor girl. well suppose to go over Grace's house at 1 plus but in the end i woke up only at 130pm...hahaha....suri suri. u know i just love to laze on my bed...the feeling is nice. Reason being I dont slp much and 4 hrs of slp is sufficient enough for me. Too much partying and manjonging this week and haha...i cant take it. was at Grace house eating away. fried bee hoon, chilli cuttlefish, fried prawn fritters blah blah blah. we were playing black jack then and the forfeit was.....drink plain water!!! we almost vomitted all our lunch out haha. went home at abt 5 plus. din get any rest and off im to my cousin place. my elder cousin was like asking me to sing him his favourite song. haha. i have been singing him this song since i was 5 and that was like....hmm... 22 yrs ago....opps...did i just reveal my age???? who cares....haha. yah we we playing black jack then and off im down to hush at about 12am. haha. late again...

u know what...i have so much in my mind.....i have so much to tell u....but where are u now... do u still remember who am i? do u still remember all that we have say and the nights we spend talking on the phone....sometimes i do wish times could turn back to where i want it to be....i just want it to be like before...someone to be there for me to turn to....someone to be there to worry what takes me so long to reach home...someone who will tells me the opposite....someone who will teach me all that i dont know....someone who will bring laughter to my life....that someone...but i guess u will nvr know that u are the one that im missing....at least i know that i have someone to miss and thats more than enough...

im tired....continue tomorrow...nights everyone and once again....I love u...

PREDICTIONS 2009 - By Master Lynn Yap

2009-01-26T15:18:00.002+08:00

Short intro about Master Lynn Yap
¨Age 50
¨BBA (NUS)(1982)
¨Experiences since 1989 –
¨Learnt from many grandmasters
¨Made several appearances in CNBC Asia, BBC world, Discovery channel, German TV, TCS 5, TCS 8, Channel U.
¨Interviewed by numerous newspapers and magazines worldwide
¨Each year there are numerous fengshui projects and life readings and with 6 listed companies clients, todate Our Corporate Clients

IBM Singapore, SK II, Salim Light, Heineken Beer, Jacobs Creek, Panasonic Refridgeration, contact lens solutions, SUTL Group, SONY, Philips, ICI Paints, Aiwa Singapore, Sasa Cosmetics, Singapore Airlines (cargo office) Oracle Systems, BBC World, Societe Generale, 2 China Banks, Julius Baer Bank, VP Bank, Merck Sharp & Dohme, Transtel Engineering, Burberry, Fortis Bank, Koi Farm, Orchid Farm, Regent Grove Condo, other condo projects, Nonya Express, Marina Bay brand name and its logo, The song of India, Honeywell Rotary, Standard Chartered Bank, Brunei, Alpine Tower condo, Penang, hospitals/clinics in KL, Shakeys in China, offices in Bangkok, Jakarta, Kuala Lumpur, Shanghai, Shenyang, Singapura Finance, Wallenius Marine, Barber Ship Management, Wilhelmsen Premier Marine Fuels, Inno-Pacific, Delong Holdings, TR Group, The Interior Place, Protiviti, Robert Half International, Integrated Learning Systems, Symantec Asia, Unipec Singapore, Ivory Capital Asia, Opto-Precision, Matcor Technology, Schempp Security Systems, Pegasus Solutions, Aspectus Engineering, Armajaro, Good Times Coffee House, Ritz Hutchison, Cams Design, Blenwel Agencies,Singapore Interior, Décor Link, Amarante Shipping, Aspire Career Services, Muse Inc, WanLi, Calamander Group, JSDU, Fimat Singapore

¨Method of Fengshui used:
1) Flying Star school of fengshui
2) Landscape fengshui
3) Intuitive fengshui

General Predictions -

¨GENERAL FORECAST :
It is going to be a “tough” year where economic growth would be slow almost negative throughout the world leading to whole host of problems.

¨It is a “tough” year because -
Many countries would go into recession and hence unemployment, food matters, environmental matters, natural disasters, accidents would be the key issues -

¨The year, 2009 -
¨It is a “Ji Chou” year -
¨It’s an Ox year where the first six lunar months of the year belongs to “ying earth” (Ji)
¨While the latter half belongs to the “ying earth” (Chou)

¨The combination of “Ji and Chou” will make the Ox year a year of stubborness, accidents, protests and riots -
¨Ox is a hardworking animal so do expect us to be working very very hard just to earn some dollars as things will be slow and the second half is even worse than the first half.
¨It will be a “slow sleepy bull” in the making -

¨The ox is the second animal of the 12 animal signs and therefore the most hardworking -
¨Ox wakes up early at 4am and start work and so we would also be seeing ourselves having to wake up early to work because competition is going to be very very tough and steep.

¨So when does the Chinese New Year actually begin ?
¨The season of spring (Li Chun) (solar calendar) begin on 4th February 2009 -
¨However, many chinese all over the world celebrates Chinese New Year on 26 January 2009 which follows the lunar calendar -

¨It depends on which Chinese New Year “calendar”, you follow.
¨However, each year, we observe what happens to us on the 4th February 2009 and if good things happen then it means that it is going to be a fantastic year !
¨However, if negative things occur then it means that the year is not going to be smooth.

¨This time, the 4th February 2009 falls on a Wednesday.
¨Go to the bank and bank in a cheque or cash to your name and wear red.
¨Did it work for you last year, 2008 ?
¨Did you wear a red top too ?

Which animal signs will face difficulties ?
¨Those born in the year of the - "Ox" and "Goat"

3 Tips on what not to do this year :
¨Avoid crowded places as any disaster that can happen will happen to these places.
¨Do not attend funeral especially for those born in the animal signs of “ox” and “goat”.
¨When choosing food to eat or drink, becareful of anything to do with the “ox”.

18 Predictions

¨1) Investment Outlook 2009:
¨Gold will begin to rise to around US$800/- per ounce, the second half of the year –
¨Oil prices will remain stable between US$40/- to US$50/- per barrel –
¨2) Disaster Outlook 2009 :
¨There would be natural disasters like a serious earthquake or a volcano erupting and would occur mostly in the southern part of any country or from the southern hemisphere -
¨3) There is a possibility of another terrorist attacks and this time it is a building –
¨4) There would be many freak accidents on the road –
¨5) Many countries will go into severe recession as companies will close and many people would be out of job with most happenings coming from countries in the southern hemisphere –
¨6) There is a possibility of a new drug being invented -
¨7) There is a possibility of a war happening –
¨8) Any company logos that has an “Ox” on it would be in trouble –
¨9) There would be more strikes, protests and riots possibily due to unemployment –
¨10) Currency Outlook 2009: Australia and New Zealand dollars look set to fall.
¨11) Market Outlook 2009: The stock market is going to be volatile with good news it goes up, bad news it goes down hence there is money to be made as it is not going to be “flat”
¨12) There will be scandals and frauds -
¨13) There will be lesser babies being born this year -
¨14) There is a possibility of a sars outbreak or something similar like bird flu, mad cow disease where retail industry will be most affected as food gets contaminated –
¨15) There is a possible passing away of an important world leader -
¨16) There will be bad news for those in the EARTH industry – rental goes down, property prices go down particulary, the second half of the year.
¨17) Business will be very very slow for those in the WATER industry like entertainment business, shipping, airlines and telecommunications –
¨18) There will be news of merges and acquistions mainly happening in the EARTH or METAL industries –

Which industries will do well ?

¨SUMMARY:
FIRE INDUSTRY: Average
EARTH INDUSTRY: Average
METAL INDUSTRY: Excellent
WATER INDUSTRY: Poor
WOOD INDUSTRY: Excellent

Fire Industry:
FIRE: Average
Properties of fire: warm and gives off heat.
Fire industries are those related to electrical products, stock markets, restuarants, lightings shops, fast food chains, bakery shops, accounting firms.

Earth Industry:
EARTH: Average
Properties of earth: hard and stillness.
Earth Industries are those related to properties, human resource, pet shops, chemicals, cosmetics, renovation companies, developers, agriculture, insurance, construction firms, cosmetic surgery etc.

Water Industry:
WATER: Poor
Properties of water: Wavy.
Water Industries are those that deal with internet (dotcoms), consultancy, shipping, transportation, logistics, distribution, tourism, lottery, cold beverages, hotels, shipbuilding, information technology, broadcasting, airlines, oil, marine products, money lending, telecommunications, animation, advertising.

Wood Industry:
Wood : Excellent
Properties of wood: hard and grows upwards.
Wood Industries are those related to Government, printing, seminars/events, universities, schools, textile firms, paper and pulp, timber, furniture, fashion, politics, education, hair salons, photography.

Forecast for the 12 animals

1) The ROOSTER - Average year
Intro: There are 4 lucky stars and 6 bad ones.
The year is average but career would be busy.
Though there are obstacles at the workplace, there will appear a helpful person who will help you. There is a possibility of an additional new staff working for you and there will be less travelling.
¨Health: Your health is good. However take care of the occasional back pain and don’t carry heavy things. When a person gets older, the bones become weaker and hence will need to exercise often or to have “activity” is the best. Climbing stairs up and down all the time is a very good form of exercise.
¨Money & Work : Because of the presence of good stars, you are into money luck and may strike a windfall. Whatever you do, money is good and unexpected. It will just come. Just be ready and stay positive !!! You may wish to change job for better pay and experiences, just go ahead.
¨Love & family: Family members are always there for you when you need their help.
¨However an elderly person in the family may need more of your attention this year.
¨If single, there is no romance.

2) DOG – Average year
Intro: There are 3 lucky stars and 4 bad stars.
Career will be very difficult as many things will all happen at the same time and there is little travelling for you. You may find that you have to work longer hours at work and please do. However you would be advised to work smart and not just work hard.
¨Money & Work: There is no lottery luck this year as all money has to be hard earn.
Be thankful that you still have a job during these difficult times and beware of jealous people at the work place. It is important to know who your enemies are but don’t do anything.
¨Health: Your health is good though there is the occasional flu like stomach flu. Take medicine or “chinese flu bags” and sleep more.
¨Love & family: If married, family members will demand your attention, just be prepared and be there when they need you. If single, get out of the house and go meet new people.

3) PIG - Average poor year
Intro: There is only 1 lucky star and 2 bad stars.
It is not going to be a good year and career is going to be slow and full of obstacles. Since you will be very free in the Ox year be thankful that there is a job for you. Relax and enjoy the year or go attend some courses and pick up a new skill.
¨Money & Work: This year the money luck is slow and you may loose money if not careful. So no major investments, buying a new house or gambling. There is fame for you though and you will be more popular.
¨Health: Health is generally good however you are still advise to exercise often and to take your vitamins everyday.
¨Love & family: If married, spend more time with your spouse in whatever method that work for both of you. If single, just wait till the year to be over because this year, there is no romance in the charts.

4) RAT - Average year
Intro: There are 3 lucky stars and 2 bad stars.
Last year, 2008 was a year of many changes and obstacles while this year is going to be a slow year. Whatever you try to do, you don’t get through, hence be patient and wait for the new year to come. Since rats are most active at night they tend to receive good news at night. There is a possibility of a small good news, the second half of the year.
¨Money & Work: Since matters would be slow so money luck would also be slow. Career is standard but would need to work harder as competition is very stiff. Go travelling to break the slowness in your chart that way, business will be as usual or consult a good fortune teller.There would be obstacles at work. Clear each one at a time and clear the most important one first then the least important one the next day.
¨Health: Your health will be good this year.
¨Love & family: There is love and harmony at home if you are married. Everyone is close to you.
¨If single and if you are a female then chances of finding your rightful partner is there. A good year for romance as sparks will fly !!!

5) OX - Bad year
Intro: There are 1lucky star and 7 bad stars.
This is your year so it is going to be a year full of obstacles and problems. It is going to be a most difficult year for you, hence just bear with it.
In 2009, you may change job, change house, change spouse, change car and things may be taken away from you. People do not like your face this year.
¨Money & Work: There is no money luck for you. There is very little travelling for you. Whatever that happen at the work place you have no control of but just bear one thing in mind is : to let go and don’t be stubborn by insisting on your needs. This is not the year.
¨Health: This year, your health will not be good and you may have stomach trouble or severe backache. So you are advise to carry a small 20 cent Bagua in your wallet the whole year.
¨Love & family: If married the male Ox may get into unwanted romance. Becareful. This is because the male Ox tend to be “blur blur” and so can make mistakes –
¨If you are single, there is a chance to meet your rightful partner.

6) TIGER - Excellent year
Intro: There are 2 lucky stars and 5 bad stars.
This is a good year for you. There is a promotion in sight for you and the money luck is good. Things are looking rosy for you at work with a possible overseas posting or new business venture.
¨Money & Work: This is a good time for the money to come in so there is some lottery luck. If you do strike any lottery, just remember to donate some away. That way your money will be able to stay and your health is good. At work, you will be busy with new responsibilities and that can cause you to have unnecessary stress.
¨Health: Your health will be good this year so just continue taking vitamins or do workouts.
¨Love & family: If married try to remember to bring the family out for a travel overseas or a short holiday in Singapore. If single and male, there is a chance for you to meet your miss right.

7) RABBIT – Excellent year
Intro: There are 1lucky star and 4 bad stars.
This is a year where you will have fame, promotion and wealth. You will find yourself very popular with friends and invited to many networking functions.
¨Money & Work: At work, there is a promotion for you and then there is a tendency for you to be proud. Try to remain as humble as possible and yet still get things done. Being humble does not mean that you appear to be weak but rather it will be being “flexible” at the right circumstances that can make you the final winner.
¨Health: Your health will be good and don’t take dishes with “rabbit” on it. Always remember not to eat “yourself” so those who is born in the pig year cannot take “pork” for example.
¨Love & family: If married, everything appears rosy and is good and smooth. Do not panic when children demands your attention but act calmly that is the best as then you can show to others that you have a “calm” mind. Those who are single is the time to get married.

8) DRAGON - Average year
Intro: There is 1 lucky star and 6 bad stars.
This year, the dragon would face “severe” competition and people also would not like your face so you would be advise to lie low and don’t get yourself into any arguments or quarrels or that could turn nasty in the end. Control your temper.
¨Money & Work: There is a slight possibility that you may loose money maybe in the stock market or being conned by people. Be careful in whatever you do and that includes driving on the road. Therefore do not do any mountain climbling or any dangerous sport this year.
¨Health: Your health will not be good as there is a chance for you get stomach trouble or skin rashes. Avoid crowded places this year as you can easily catch a flu.
¨Love & family: Family life is still great just spend more time with older family members.
If single, there is not much opportunities to meet the right person this year, you have better don’t choose because you can choose the wrong partner.

9) SNAKE - Good year
Intro: There are 2 lucky stars and 6 bad stars.
Career is very good and can be promoted this year and with a good increment. You will be rewarded and has the chance to win an award this year.
¨Money & Work: Your money luck may not be good so no gambling and try to save more money this year since money will come in the form of career luck.
¨Health: Your health is great so just continue your normal jogging activities or going to the gym.
¨Love & family: Snakes are usually very caring towards family members and would always spend some time with family members. Do a bit more this year like bringing them for more dinners or travel overseas. The single snakes are advised not to cling on to old friends but to go out to look for new friends or meet new friends from the opposite sex. However, don’t be a clinging snake !

10) HORSE - Good year
Intro: You have1 lucky star and 4 bad stars.
It is going to be a good year for you and you may be promoted so there is money luck. Work is smooth.
¨Money & Work: Though there is career promotion however you may have a tendency to want to change job. Go ahead. It is the right timing for you.
¨Health: Your health is great though “a slow down” is good for you to rest your body and your mind. Just remember not to stress your body too much.
¨Love & family: If married, this year you will be spending more time with family members.
If single and in a relationship, it may be time to get married so go ahead. How to choose a rightful spouse ? as long as he/she is caring towards you then, that will do.

11) GOAT – Bad year
Intro: There is 1lucky star and 6 bad stars.
The Ox year clashes with you to produce changes this year like : change job, change house, change car, change spouse. It’s a year of changes for you and things can be taken away from you or your neighbour will move house. Therefore, you are advised to wear a “goat gold pendant” on you so that the year of Ox will clash with that pendant and not on you then things will be smooth.
¨Money & Work: There is no money luck therefore do not gamble. Just make sure you don’t loose money this year !!! Do not do any major investments or buy property. However there is a chance that you may travel for business and therefore you should go. If there is a good career opportunity to move, it is best to consult your “fortune teller” before making that move. If not, you would be making the mistake of your life !!!
¨Health: This year, your health is not so good as you may be admitted to the hospital if you are old and sometimes for no reason.
¨Love & family: If married, be careful of your relationship and be extra care when you speak.
If single, there is a possibility of a break up and so carrying a “gold goat pendant” can help.

12) MONKEY - Average year
Intro: You have 3 lucky stars and 5 bad stars.
Though, it is going to be an average year, you will be busy at work. You are always such a workhaholic so it is time for you to relax a little and spend more time with family members or simply to yourself.
¨Money & Work: There is some money for you and it will just come since 2009 is a good year for money luck. Workwise, there is a possibility of an enemy at work, do try to avoid. There is an opportunity for new business ventures with friends, do consider it carefully.
¨Health: You are in good health so continue to take your vitamins and do moderate exercise.
¨Love & family: It is time to focus more on family and children and more “quality time” is the best.If single, try to lower your expectations for the opposite sex otherwise it will be very difficult for you to meet your “rightful” partner.

How to have better wealth ? Fengshui for 2009

1) The 5 yellow (5) is in the South –
2) The sickness (2) is in the East –
3) The wealth (8) is in the North West –
4) The legal (3) is in the South West –
5) The romance (4) is in the – North
6) The fire star (9) is in the Centre –
7) The robbing (7) is in West –
8) The helpful sector (6) is in the North East –
9) The water star (1) is in the South East -

Fengshui Queen® Tip for 2009 -

2005 – Carry 88 grains of uncooked rice in a red packet and a gold pendant for good luck and protection for the year 2005 in another red packet.
2006 – Carry a “gold pendant abacus” in your wallet for more money to count in the year.
2007 - Carry S$500 cash in the zip pouch of your bag so that with more money, you will be able to “attract” more money to come to you.
2008 - Carry a small bagua, size of 20 cent coin in the wallet for wealth, protection and power -
Throw lots of coins on the writing desk in your study room or anywhere in the living room for additional Good Luck and for your wealth to grow in 2009 !!!

Conclusion :
3 Successful Tips for 2009 !

1) Investment Tip : Keep Cash – this is the best investment strategy for 2009 or buy Gold.
2) Do good deeds –
3) Read my 2 Blogs to find out MORE with the latest updates –
A) http://www.lynnyap8888.blogspot.com
B) http://www.fengshuiqueen.com/blog (open to registered members, currently now 90 members)

HERE’s WISHING EVERYONE A VERY VERY PROSPEROUS
and HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR 2009 !!!

January 26, 2009

2009-01-26T01:48:00.002+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone out there!!!! Hei pi niu year!!!

151am....its officially 农历正月初一 le.... heheh. Mixture of feelings. Happy and down at the same time. Happy because, its a festive of joy and prosperity, you see happy faces everywhere. Down because I still have to face the reality that some issues is still waiting for you. Sigh...life is hard for everyone. But I do foresee that this might be a good year for me =)

Was at home the whole day. Slept at 3 plus yest night. Sigh... a aeroplane day @Hush. hahaha. Okay nvm, Im used to it le and excuse me toopid Jason, I only put aeroplane on u ONCE k and there u had taste the power of my 咏春掌 right...muahahaha. U r one one who always dont reply my sms-es except yest lo. U do it one more time and u get it from me k Mr Jason Ah Jiao Lai. Anyway I was feeling sick when I reach there. Was up on the 13 floor of my block for manjong with Elson, desmond and erm...cant remember the gal's name, sorry =) afterwhich I rush home for my breakfast-cum-lunch-cum-dinner steamboat. As I was meeting my darling Josephine and gang for a drink which had been set when we were having our "breakfast at BQ on Friday morning. Well in the end only Lulu, Jason, Raymond and Kelvin turn up yah....sigh...and so...yah...Oh I was feeling really unwell and nausea and I puke 4 times @Hush. Sigh...had my gastric pain as well and feeling feverish. Anyway, I was being asked twice for number yest night. keke. I was in my EdHardy cap yest and everyone was commenting on it... i think i look nice in that. hahaha.

Woke up at abt 1230pm and starting cleaning and packing up my room. Change my bedsheet, wash up tonnes of clothings, preparing the goodies for tmrw, squeezing all my shoes into the cabinet, sweep and mopped the floor.....blah blah blah...as usual...had my breakfast-cum-lunch-cum-dinner steamboat at ard 6 plus and guess what, I had my second round 2 hrs later and straight after my second round, I was munching away my pineapple tarts, love letter and bak gua. Huhu...delicious...its a festive of food!!!! Yummy!!!

208am...Im hungry again....Just finished uploading Jolin Tsai's mp3 into my I-tunes library....tired.....its like 100 over songs lo....oh yah, not forgetting my xiao zhu Alan Luo's hits too =)

Theres this song by 泳儿 & 林峰 - 明天以后. Go listen. They have it in both Chinese and Cantonese version. I posted the lyrics on my previous blog, read it...huhu...it fills me. hahaha

Okay...I need to get something to munch...im hungry and I cant sleep with an empty stomach. Once again....HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR AND MAY ALL THE GOOD THINGS BEFALL ON YOU!!!! CHEERS!!!!

明天以后

2009-01-25T21:58:00.002+08:00

在你的记忆里面有一个我在你最痛苦的时候陪你度过
难过过了天晴朗了我就走
你拯救我的寂寞我的痛我的梦在你的面前我不必保留
还来不及对你说迟到的我的心动

你的好你的坏我的脾气你最懂我不要你心疼我 (我不要你离开我)
明天的以后我们会懂失恋的挫折让人变更成熟

我对你感觉胜过爱情因为有你给我勇气给我用不完的运气
其实也想好好爱你只怕到最后不小心让你伤心(我不怕会伤心)
对不起我对你再好再亲密都不能在一起
最后看你在别人怀里
有天我会找到我的唯一(我并不是你的唯一)
还微笑祝福你

你拯救我的寂寞我的痛我的梦在你的面前我不必保留
我从来没对你说压抑的我的心动

我的好我的坏我的脾气你最懂我不要你来心疼我
明天的以后我们会懂失恋的挫折让人变更成熟

我对你感觉胜过爱情因为有你给我勇气给我用不完的运气
其实也想好好爱你只怕到最后不小心让你伤心(我不怕会伤心)
对不起我对你再好再亲密都不能在一起
最后看你在别人怀里有天我会找到我的唯一(我并不是你的唯一)
还微笑祝福你

爱情总让人折磨所以我们才选择做比情人更好的朋友

January 18, 2009

2009-01-18T23:13:00.003+08:00

Huhu!!!! IM IN BANKGKOK NOW!!!! 1115pm. @Grand Diamond Suite Hotel...Its super nice & cosy. Well its a suite with living room and a bedroom and I simply love it =)

I haven been sleeping since yesterday after my power 13 hours sleep. hmmm...more than 36 hours leh...im dying soon lo...hahah... The gang is in my room now... im now waiting for my supper to be deliver up while writing my blog. Having gastric pain now...Weird...I had my dinner...but no idea why am i getting it...duhz....

hahaha....continue...second day @Bangkok. Huhu, was up at 830am, had our breakfast and off we start the day. Started our day by walking our way to pray @Erawan Shrine. I had wanted to come back here to repay my thanks to the four face buddha. Well, believe it a not, there's something you cant really explain. Finally Im back here again after a year. I felt a sense of relieve. Afterwhich, we head to MBK, I dont really like that shopping place. Follow by Central World. I really cant stand that girl that came with us, well, Mark likes her and yah...there she's here with us. She's just kinda little irritating girl that just couldnt click with us or me I should say. Mark and Chris had their shirts tailored made and we had our 2 hrs Thai massage somewhere near Pratunam Market. Shiok... We had our seafood dinner....a very very very power dinner. I think we ordered more than 10 dishes lo and it only cos us 4300 bucks. Cheap!!!! Thats not the ending...we proceed our way to Patpong. I bought a EdHardy Cap @300 bucks. Haha. Thanks to the price slashing king, Mr Mark Hew. Hahha. We got all our stuff at only 30% of what they offered. Power!!!

Okay...we are back at our hotel. Suppose to have our party night in our room but...sigh....they are all lousy to be exact. Either sleepy or tired....still dare to say so loud in the morning....wah...what We drink tonight lo, sure can finish that bottle of Martell in an hour. Damn it la. Dont say so loud if u r that lousy lo.

Anyway, they are back to their room. I just get them to get their ass back to their room and dont sleep here lo. I want back my bed lo. Well, boring and damn sianz thats all. Im now watching a stupid show...Borat...thou stupid but pretty funny. I also dunno what to write le....its now 236pm in Bangkok and 336pm in Singapore.

Nightz everyone..... sweet dreams and ..... I love you.....

January 17, 2009

2009-01-17T12:30:00.002+08:00

In the shop...with a super pissed off mood. Just had an arguement with my mum bcos of that bastard. Well as what I have wrote on my msn nick - Sometimes you ppl are just driving me crazy and fuck it!!! Im not gg to care anymore!!! Damn.... Fine you ppl enjoy helping that bastard so be it. I say it one more time. Those debts you ppl are paying is not mine k. IT BELONGS TO THAT BASTARD!!!! And you ppl let him take the 27 grand to pay off those debts from the shop which is less than 15 grand. There's still another 12 grand which he might have took it to pay his own fucking debts and you ppl are now still paying for his too k!!! FUCK IT FUCK IT!!! Okay damn..Im just really pissed off. FUCKER!!!!

Whatever!!!!

Just leave me alone and yes.....dont try to piss me off again!

I wouldnt have sit on the same table with that bastard on reunion day if not bcos of my parents k. Damn. I just feel ashame eating with such ppl. DAMN IT!!!

Im gg to let the devil out of me on my Bangkok trip tmrw and so who tries to piss me off will get it from me!!!

January 16, 2009

2009-01-16T20:41:00.003+08:00

Huhu...feels good after a refreshing bath =) I was pretty tired at work today, almost dozed off couple of times. Keke. So in order to keep myself awake, I got Yanni to buy me my favourite shilin fried chicken chop from Suntec despite I just had my lunch. Oh and my beloved Lulu Travan got me my favourite Starbucks hot Latte =D With this combo, I manage to survive till 715pm....knock off lo!!!! Oh ya...LULU!!!! Thanks for all the medication you got for my trip. Carbon tablets for diarrhoea, gastric pills, gel for muscle ache, pills for running nose and etc...Very impressive with all the usage clearly written for me on the paper =) Thank u!

Hmmm... I have been eating a bit too much recently...my waist is like...hmm....well...I just love to eat so I eat. Nah...I was telling Zhiwei maybe I can grow to be a fatty then no one will find me pretty anymore and nobody will come after me and I will happily be single and alone...kekeke.

Oh oh..before I forget again, I need to clarify the part that Im actually disappointed with that somebody and not upset yah. Anyway, he is the one saying everything right from the beginning and not me. From "Im sure its not just a crush towards u", "I feel that you suits me and my character", "If you were to give me a chance, Im sure I wouldnt be the one to let u down" to what he told another friend of ours "I think we are not suitable for each other"...Duhz...So Im not going to feel awakard or whatsoever. Okay settled...case closed. So guys, please la, dont be stupid k. Dont try to be romantic and starts telling ppl whatever empty promises lo. Promise is VERY important to a girl, at least, to me.. yes.

And one more thing, Im going to be very frank that whatever I wrote on my blog with regards to that bastard is nothing but the truth. Im not afraid to let U know that IM writing about U. IM just worried that U dont know that IM writing about U k. Got it?! 平时不做亏心事，半夜敲门也不惊。。。若要人不知，除非己莫为 U dare to do, U should know what is the consequences. Dont like ppl to talk bad behind u??? Well Im saying it right on your face if u r reading it k!

Whatever it is, I just wanna make sure that my Year 2009 is smooth sailing and all fuckers get out of my way yah. Thats the last Im taking and no more. It just makes me feels that Im right about all this ppl. Admit it k.

Last but not least, I wanna live the life I want it to be. 女人当自强 =) Kekeke.....

January 15, 2009

2009-01-15T21:20:00.002+08:00

Home sweet home. Came back from City Plaza. Took a cab over to meet up with my mum as she was there picking up some new stock. Had my dinner there =) Mee Hoon Guay, Popiah, Rojak....kekeke..yummy. I used to work in City Plaza UOB branch for near to 3 years, so most of the time I will be eating the same old thingy there. That place brings me lots of memory and I started my banking life from UOB. Till now, some of the shop owner still recognise me as the pretty lady in UOB. hahahha.... *shy*

I left UOB in 2003 and afterwhich, I have been job hopping from places to places. I joined my cousin in the sales line dealing with hair and beauty equipments. I was a pretty shy girl at that time as I was still young and of course, I didnt manage to excel in that line. From there, I move over to semi conductor line doing co-ordinator. All the different parts code really drive me crazy. And from there, I move over to OCBC as contract. Im in private bank doing currency options and accumulators, afterwhich, I join a research firm. They are something like AcNelsien conducting market research and stuff like this... conducting group interviews and survey. Not long after, I got into Citibank through Huishan recommendation. Ever since then, Im with IPU and this year will be the third year.

Im glad things are changing in here as I have been in Lockbox for quite sometimes and things are getting a bit stagnant. I need some motivations to move on. Lying in my comfort zone for too long le. I need to work my way up and Im very sure abt that. My previous boss Alfred was telling me that staying in operations for too long is not very healthy and if there's a chance, move out. He is now in Citibank Beijing and for me, Im definitely looking forward to all the opportunity that comes along my way.

Indeed, theres so many other things in this world waiting for me to explore and discover. I need to see myself as someone who can stand strong by herself and not rely on anyone, not even husband (as you know, men are all the same. If u can trust a men, pig also climb up the tree). Well Im sorry but yes, this applies to all men except my sistas and my good friends =) Guys, happy??? so dont protest anymore k =)

Im flying off to Bangkok this Sunday, but I told my mum that Im going over to Phuket. Well I dont mean to lie, but she was pretty worried when I mentioned that Im heading to Thailand. So guys, if you sees any news coming from Bangkok, dont get too worried k. I should be safe. I will be bringing my lappie along so in case of emergency, Im still contactable on my mobile & msn. Here some details on my trip just in case anything happens....*touchwood* Okay...Im flying on Sunday @1410 by SQ976 eta Bangkok @1535 and will be back on Wednesday @1905 by SQ981 eta Singapore @2230. I will be staying over at Grand Diamond Suites k.

Well well, I really do hope that everything will be running smooth for me this year. *Sincerely pray* I gonna get busy once Im back so yah....no partying till new year. I need to earn some extra income at this time. haha. This is the season for me as I have been doing it the past few years. I love CNY but I just hate the part when ppl ak me when am I getting married. This year is going to be awkard for me as last year I was planning for my marriage... but this year...I dont even have a bf...sigh...As for my elder bro, its definitely a good year for him as he is getting married this year =)

Life is unpredictable. Everyone have to go through many obstacles. Treat the obstacles as a lesson, learn from it and grow from there. Maybe you will find that, why is my road so much harder to walk compare to the others. Think otherwise, the more you have been through, the more you learn. Be it relationship, family, work or friend, you have to master different sets of skills to deal with different group of ppl. For example, just talking about friends alone... everyone is a individual, nobody is identical (unless u r twins). You cant use the same set of communications tools for every individual, and that is why some ppl can be my best friend, some are good friends, some are just friend and some...hi-bye friends.

I learn a lot from all my ex. My break off with them makes me wiser and also a clearer view of myself. Knowing that I have so much to improve in order to be a good gf. I have a bad temper and so, I need to work on that. I used to say that, thats me, take it or leave it, but now... things have changed, so do ppl... and all human beings changed...this is something I have to accept and not to dwell on. Never ask why on such stupid questions as I will never get an answer.

Okay... its 1004pm...Im going out le...nights everyone and sweet dreams =)

January 13, 2008

2009-01-13T00:43:00.002+08:00

1247 am...just reach home. Was out having dinner with Zhiwei @Suntec plus a chilling out session @Harris just below my office. We had a long talk....we talk practically about everything. Sometimes I just really enjoy the feeling of talking to someone and that the person totally understand how you feel and that feeling is really...indescribable.

My intro in my blog had describe about me and thats me...very true about me. Im a self centred person but still sometimes I just worried too much that I have just reach a point that I couldnt control my own emotions at all. My bro is driving me crazy. While writing this, my dad came into my room and ask me about my credit cards debts, just gotten a letter from XXXX demanding a full payment of 9k. My dad did offer to pay a little for me but you know what, my heart just hurts when ...fine...whatever it is.

This is what Im going through now. Im tired...really tired.... I really dunno what more I can do to get myself out of this shit. I was telling my dad, if my shop is still around, things wouldnt have gotten so bad. While saying this, I told my dad luckily that bastard still pay them back a 10 grand (according to my mum), but what came next shocked me. My dad says that mummy sees wrongly, the check was only 1k!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! My dad talk to that bastard after that and he gave my dad another 2K....DOUBLE FUCK!!!! MY SHOP WAS SOLD FOR A FUCKING 30 GRAND AND MY PARENTS GOT BACK 3K WHILE I GOT BACK NOT EVEN A PENNY!!! WHERE THE FUCK IS THE REST OF THE 27 GRAND!!!!????!!! I really had enough of this bastard. Im going to get him to vomit out the money and make a fuss over it. DAMN IT!!! AAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

All of the above was written on Monday and Im continuing this on Wednesday. Just reach home from east coast. Was there having dinner with Michelle, Keith, Ah Hee, Ah Hoe and one of Keith's friend. Im really really very full now...and sleepy. Din had enough sleep this past two days. I was awaken by a call at 4am on Monday. Its Rourou....she still at BQ lo and she called to ask me to go over lo. She drank too much lo and I was telling her shit u la, I want to sleep. Haha. Met up with Ryan and gang for a chill out session on Tuesday but as usual, it din turn out to be one and thats always the case. Duh..

Its been quite relaxing these few days at work as volume is pretty low. Aga will be officially heading Lockbox again tomorrow and Leong will be moving over to Inward Team. As for me, I will be starting my training in Outward Team most prob in February and will move over end of that month. Huishan will be crossing over at the same time to Lockbox. All this is just part of the restructuring and there might be more coming up I guess.

Im pretty tired with stuffs that Im going through now. Basically I just dont wanna think about anything and iI just wish that you ppl can stop nagging at me. I dont wanna listen and I know exactly what Im doing. So pls dont worry and kept bugging me on those things. I just wonder, some bastards kept doing bastard stuffs bit yet ppl just closed one eyes and pretend nothing happen. Its easy to say what's had already happened is the past, just let go...but no way. Everything is still fresh in my mind. U better pray hard u r able to swallow the 27 grand and not choke to your death k. Be careful when u walk and watch your back.

Im really sleepy now... k...I go pong pong and sleep le....nightz everyone and I love u... =)

January 11, 2008

2009-01-11T18:42:00.002+08:00

heyhey...yoyo...im having good mood since friday. Maybe because of my new hair colour and hair cut. Im very happy with it. It just makes me feel happier and friends had commented I look cute in it...but...erm.... does that mean Im now ugly but adorable??..???... Whatever it is, I just love it =)

I was on half day leave on friday and am suppose to visit the sinseh again as my leg still hurts. I cant really walk properly with my heels on now and its a torture. Well, Im short....only 5' 1.5"to be exact...and most of the time, I have to tilt my head when talking to ppl...its a torture to my neck lo...ironically, most of my bf are more than 6' tall in height...haha. Funny....

Supposed to be writing blog at 654pm just now and well...I ended up playing majong. Haha..okay okay...Im back to finish it up before getting to bed. Its been a fast week...but seriously I cant really remember what have I done this week. My memory is getting bad. Guess I need to get back on track and start writing my blog on regular basis before I start forgetting eveything.

Was out to dragonfly on friday. From there - and that is where my msn nick came about... "Im sure that all men in this planet are either born mother fucker or a born liar". Well u can say that Im being unfair to the rest of the nice guys out there, but sorry, maybe Im down on my luck or whatever fuck it is, I never get to know of any good guys. Most of the good guys are either my "sistas" or my good friends. Well, even my own bros, I wouldnt say that they are good guys. Guess the only person I can guarantee a 100% warranty is...My daddy. Why would I make such comments???

Something had been bothering me. I have been very upset about the fact that my shop had been sold. Though it had been sold for 30 grand, but I dont get back a fucking single cents. My parents got back theirs. And I suspect the bastard kept a sum after paying off the debts of my shop. Why would I think so? I saw that he got himself a new desktop, a LV bag and stuff like this and well, Im struggling here like nobody business. Its pretty annoying u get what I mean. Im trying hard to get over it thats all. In cantonese we call that " mo gan tai"...

Second thing is that there was this person who told me that if I could give him a chance, he can be very sure that he wouldnt be the one to let me down. But you know what, he was hugging with a girl at DF on friday night right in front of me for like more than an hour. Well, it just pissed me off k. If you cant do what you promise, dont compromise. I mean, yah, you are nobody to me, but hey, you are going after me right and you say you will try your best till the day you feel that you have done your best. To be frank, you did nothing and disappointment is what I got from you. I should have understand all this right from the beginning. Each and every time I gave myself another chance to fall in love, things happen and luckily this time round, I have not get myself engaged in anything yet. Well I still have to get my ass over to Bangkok this Sunday and yah, need to adjust my thinking back to normal by treating this person like a normal friend.

Was out with my darling Josephine and Baby Kayden to Sentosa on Sat. It was fun. We reached Siloso about 4pm, had our lunch cum dinner at Sakae. Baby was so cute. There wasnt any customer around at that time and baby was strolling around in the shop. Haha, he was so cute that the waiters and waitresses there kept playing with him and they even gave him those hand made balloons. 2 piglets and a doggie. Some even took photos with him. After which, we went to the beach and baby was so cute in his little swimming trunk. I didnt know that he nvr went to a beach before and he was so afraid of the sand and water. Cute... we had New Zealand ice cream too before heading down to the Underwater World. Send them back at about 8 plus. Rest at home for a while before heading down to Hush. I was pretty tired then and was yawning away there...went back home at about 1 plus and KO.

Sigh...my mum digged me up at about 8 plus asking me to get over to the shop to help out. Nah....I went back to sleep... and went over only at around 1 plus. She bought quite a number of new stock for the upcoming CNY. Its going to get busy for me for the next two weeks. Guai guai help out before and after my Bangkok trip before I get anymore scolding from her.

Haha...I mentioned that Huggi was unpredictable and ask weird question...he msn me because of that sentence. Ha...well I didnt know that he happen to be so free to read my blog lo. Hmmm... but he is indeed like this mah... He also did msn me because of my nick saying that it unfair...but...well...

326am.....It's Monday again....Enjoy your week everyone. Cheers!!!!

January 07, 2009

2009-01-07T22:20:00.002+08:00

1021pm...Im home early today. Was really tired the whole day due to lack of sleep. Sigh...was having bad gastric pain this morning at 4 plus.

Was out for dinner with Michelle, Keith and Ah Hee yesterday night at Old Airport Road. I cant have seafood, so no choice lo, I had kidney mee sua for dinner plus a cup of soya bean with pearls. Hey...I just remember...I think the sinseh say no soya....Oops...I forgotten. Anyway, was chatting with the guys down there as Michelle went back home already. Well, her useless husband came to fetch her and thats was like a rare scene lo.

Was talking about how they know me and stuffs. Keith also known as 825 share the same birthday as me just of different year. He is also known as "perppermint chee"....dont ask me peppermint got seed one meh??? I really dont know, cos he is the one who came up with this toopid name. Anyway, Ah Hee is the "attapchee", Michelle is the "sesame chee" and ME??? Im the "sunflower chee"...hahaha. I got this name because of the sunflower which I requested Ah Hee to send to my office during my birthday last year. Haha and I was telling him that the sunflower must be bigger than a "Ham chim peng"...muahahaha...dont ask me why, of course there's a reason behind. Haha.

Afterwhich, Keith wanted to buy his soccer boots and so we head down to Kallang Leisure Park and well, its closed. I was suppose to meet Ryan and gangs at Moon Bar for a chill out but that stupid Keith sent me home instead as he dont want me to go. Keep nagging me to stay home and rest early...but Im suffering from insonmia...I cant sleep....even if Im home, I will be surfing net till like 4 or 5am.... its the same. So I had a bathe and freshen up myself before heading down to Moon Bar. The whole damn thing didnt turn out to be a chill out session as usual!!!!! We even head down to Partyworld at ard 2 to 3 plus. I almost died-ed there....

Okay...the whole of the top part was written on friday and im only posting it today. Keke...here comes the next one.. read on...

January 05, 2008

2009-01-05T23:24:00.003+08:00

HIHI =D *GRIN*

Okay yeah, its me. You guys must be wondering whats the "IM BACK" thingy all about. Haha. Nothing la, just a shout out to my friends who are worrying about me.....Im okay le =) No more crying, no more blaming, no more hating, no more black out period. I have torture myself long enough le as well as my loved one around me. Im sorry k. I should have learn to let go right in the beginning.

Those that doesnt belongs to me, will never belong to me be it now or future. The most beautiful part of love is not eternity...but memories. They are kept in my heart now...deep down....maybe one day they will be forgotten...but I know they are...once there....

Jeremy, Jackson, Victor, Ken and Rendy....thanks for the love that you guys once showered me with. Be it 6 years or less than half a year, you guys once meant something to me. But for now, you guys belongs to my memories. Most prob you guys are happily attached and in love, all the best. I sincerely hope that you guys will love your partner with all your heart and never to hurt them like the way you guys hurt me. Fair enough, although Im hurt but I do wish the rest of the girls out there will be loved. Its a blessed thing to be love by someone whom you love. Treasure it.

As usual...had a long day today. Still on holiday mood..haha. Too much public holiday makes me slacky... but Im a hard working employee k =) Hmmm...told my boss that I need to go on 3 days leave during the black out period and sigh....gana nag again.... fine...no next time k.... There bounds to be some nagging whenever I go on leave....shucks....

Im still on my ankle guard...sigh...it still hurts. Was already at the sinseh yesterday but the queue was like super duper long. My no was 20!!! and when I took the no, the consultation had not even started. Sigh...feeling hungry, so Lulu accompanied me for a munch first as the lady was saying it might take like an hour or so. We walk a long way and finally found a coffeeshop and damn.... they only have bao!!! lo mai kai!!! and siew mai!!!! *faint* and they seriously taste HORRIGIBLE!!!! OMG!!!! CMI!!!! After the stupid"lunch", we walk back and realise the no is only 8!!!! Okay, Im not going to wait for another 12 nos!!! Yah, and so I left without seeing...

Lapsed....kekeke....went downstair to pass my car to Chris as his got into an accident and since Im not using, I will lend mine to him till he get back his. Was thinking of leasing out my car...a long term one. I had a hard time maintaining it and seriously speaking, I dont drive much, the most 3 times a week. I dont drive to work everyday as the parking @Millenia plus ERP is like 25 bucks/day and its like 150/week....600 per month k. How to drive to work....erm...the season parking is 240 bucks =) My car instalment is costing me another 600 bucks. Road tax half yearly is like 370...insurance....2k....gosh!!!! I need to get another job man....

So vexed....how I wish I have a money printing machine....I NEED $$$$....Damn....why must such misfortune befall on me.... *sob*.... whatever it is...I need a sugar darling to be exact...muahahahaha!!!! Any out there?!?!?

Hahaha....was msn-ing while writing my blog....cant concentrate..I cant remember what I wanna write... okay nvm.... I think I really need to catch some beauty sleep as everyone is nagging at me saying I need to see a doc....I need medication....but actually I just need to force myself to sleep thats all... hmmm...makes me think of Huggi again...ha....I ever tried falling asleep while talking to him and my webby was on so most prob he had seen my ugly sleeping face. Well he was saying that I dont move or twist and turn when I sleep....one pose straight to the morning. Yah I wonder why...hahaha. I miss the days whereby he will talk to me till Im really tired but yet wont let me sleep....haha... or sometimes he will just call up to ask some weird qns. Well overall, he's a erm.... unpredictable guy....

一个人的精彩.... That's me!!! IM BACK!!!!

2009-01-05T23:12:00.002+08:00

那天醒来忽然想开不愿再做等待的女孩
拿掉戒指扎起马尾开始不再想你姿态
接受无奈承认失败她才是你的爱
寂寞伴随自由色彩迎面来

头发甩甩大步的走开不怜悯心底小小悲哀
挥手Bye-Bye祝你们愉快我会找个人活得精采

也许明天我会选择自己旅行不轻易恋爱
也许明天我会遇见比你更适合的男孩
接受爱情自有安排谁才是我的爱
寂寞伴随自由色彩迎面来

January 03, 2009

2009-01-03T20:53:00.002+08:00

Third day of 2009. Partying all night as usual with Travan, Dan, Xiaoying, Joycelyn and 2 of Dan's friends. Ha...its was a night of candid shots as I was telling them its been a long time since I updated photos in my facebook and so they were like snapping photos the whole night using my camera. Haha...I have to upload 3 times as each album can only hold up to 60 photos and there were like 14o photos lo.

Okay while Im writing this, my email notifications kept buzzing me and its that toopid Lulu Travan Lai tagging photos in my facebook. TRAVAN!!!!! I have just deleted 53 emails bcos of u la. SHIT U!!! Stopped tagging!!!!!

Will be down to Hush again later as its Zhiwei's birthday. Suppose to be playing manjong yest night after Hush, but I was quite drunk and tired and so I ended up falling asleep at the swing at Chris house while they rest played. I cant drink Vodka to be exact, despite just a few glass. Well I drank too much yest....Martell....Vodka....beer....

Okay, just gana nagging from my mum bcos of all the late nights I had recently. Well I didnt want to but I just wanna to let the devil out. Partying is not good but staying at home is not healthy either. Haha...excuses... Maybe some guys feel that those girls that goes partying and clubbing or pubbing is definitely not some good girls, but seriously speaking, how many of those who dont club and pub are really that good? Can you swear to god that if you find a girl who dont pub and club will not two timer you or u will not be afraid that she will leave you one day? Please lo, nobody in this world is that perfect. If everyone is that perfect, then there wont be sorrow.

I met Jackson in a pub too. Im not a chiongster to be exact. I can drink and I can play doesnt mean that I always chiong. Yes Im playful, but this applies to my character and I behave the same even in the office. So please dont categorize me as chiongster or whatever shit. I can be a home girl too, but my parents will be worried. Dont think Im finding excuses or what. My parents had been worrying about me ever since I broke off with Jackson. I dont cry in front of them and sometimes, the conversation that we had makes them worry. I told them I wont fall in love again and theres no such things as eternal love. My mum was saying, see properly before you gets into a relationship and I was like telling her "Hey mum, do you think I have X-ray eyes or what? If a person wants to change, you dont need to give him 3 years, just 3 days and you wouldnt be able to recognise the person standing in front of you is the person whom you first known."

Jackson is a very good example and Jeremy too. 2 1/2 years and 6 years.....I spend too much time on ppl who doesnt belongs to me. Do you think I have the courage to engage myself in another relationship that you have no idea how would it ended up. Yes Im a coward...I dont have the courage to face reality. This is who I am. Grace is right about me. Despite being my colleague for less than a year, she know me. I might be cheerful, bubbly and outgoing in front of others, but Im a lone ranger to be exact. I tends to think too much and ended up entangled myself in my own world.

To you: Maybe to you, Im just a friends whom you can talk to when you are bored there. Im just another of your normal friend whom you tried to get me out of the down period wanting me to be happy....maybe...maybe...maybe....its just all about that.... Maybe you will never remember who I am and become just another name in your msn list. Maybe...you will never remember you once mean something to me in my life. You are the one who help me up and I will never forget....

爱太痛

2009-01-02T01:18:00.002+08:00

吃不能吃睡不能睡没有了你全都不对
我都学不会把爱敷衍用笑容来把眼泪催眠

笑不能笑哭不敢哭人不像人鬼不像鬼
朋友都说这不过失恋但我却连呼吸都胆怯

能不能不爱了因为爱太痛了
我痛得快死了却无法把你忘了

能不能不爱了爱情它太痛了
我痛得快死了却无法把爱割舍...我不能睡...

我不能够不能够不爱了

January 01, 2009 Happy New Year!!!

2009-01-01T22:35:00.002+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEARS FOLKS!!!! Okay a brand new 2009 is here. Well Im looking forward to a new start and really hope it will be one. 2008 is a disaster for me. I broke off with Jackson, I was sick for like more than 3 months, my shop closed down, I ran into debts, I quarrelled with my parents, I fell out with my bro blah blah blah. All this is not going to bring me down I know. I will hold on to it.

Was at Chris's house bbq-ing and playing manjong yesterday night. I was counting down at the manjong table and watching the Channel U countdown at Vivocity. Think it wasnt a good start for 2009. I lost 200 over bucks for 4 rounds of manjong and luckily Chris managed saved back 100 over bucks. *Phew* Maybe this is the sign of telling me that I cant gamble this year???? Muahahahaha.

I was always pretty excited when it comes closed to Chinese New Year. You know, all the goodies...pineapple tart, spicy prawn rolls, love letters....wuhuu...I have been eating these goodies from Tai Thong Cake Shop for the past 2 years because of Jackson. It was pretty fun helping them out in the shop and munching the goodies at the same time. I started wrapping the pineapple tart last year and of course, it went out of shape. Jackson was good at making those stuff as he started learning and doing since young. I always love to sit and look at him making all these goodies. Especially when it comes to Mooncake festival, I spend lotsa time there too. Putting the piglet into the basket one by one or helping them to weigh the lotus paste for each mooncake before they wrapped the skin on and sent for baking. They are doing things at a high speed and I have to follow too. Haha. I was pretty good k.

I also remembered me and Jackson's dad was banned from eating the prawn rolls by Jackson and his mum. Because Im weak in nature and I always get cough after eating those stuff and his dad is high on cholesterol. But his dad will always secretly take 1 tub, pulled me to a side and shared with me and...hahaha...we always ended gana scolding. These days will never comes back again.... I really missed those days to be exact.

Whatever it is, I have to accept the fact that things will never be the same again. I admit that I still missed him alot. Sorry but Im just being honest to myself that it's not that easy to let go especially he is the love of my life. I tried my best. We broke off in July and it was really hard that time. I cried every single day, anywhere...anytime...even when I'm working. My boss was really worried me at that time especially when I got into an accident and my dad called them up. I really thank my beloved lockbox team who hold on to me during that time. Yanni, Grace, Anqi, Lay Ching, Molly and even my part timer Elyn "Goon Goon".. =) Thanks to all the support during that time and sorry to cause any troubles to you gals back then.

I was pretty busy these 2 weeks as it was year end and we are busy doing pre processing. The volume was incredibly high. Now I have gotten notice to be transferred to Outward team and I really cant bear to part with you gals. You gals are like family to me. I can assure that the next one thats gonna be working in hand with you all will be a good one. I will always remember the team that I've worked with when I first came in. Aga, Mag, Leong, Yanni, Jacleyn, Molly, Anqi and me. Those were the days. I love you ppl. We are still in the same department thou =)

Will be flying over to Bangkok on the 18 to 21 this month. Looking forward to it as I believe it's gonna be a crazy one for sure. Haha bcos it consists of Me, Ryan, Ah Rou, Mark, Chris and Josline. We can be as crazy as you can imagine. We set a new record in playing manjong. 15 HOURS STRAIGHT!!!! You know I almost died-ed. Hahaha. We went drinking at Rythm at ard 10 plus till 4 plus am. Went for Pig organ soup at Lavender then proceed to Chris house. We started out manjong at 5 plus. Me, Ah rou, Da sao and Mark. We just play and play and play till noon whereby we finally stopped for late lunch. I cant stand it la so I had a bathe to freshen up myself and from there, we played all the way till ard 8pm and finally...we stopped. Hahaha. Afterwhich we went Roxy square for steamboat. I was super tired that I fell asleep at Chris's car after dinner while he sent me home. Aint we crazy?

I was reading thru Huggi's blog. At least from there, I know how he's been doing and well, I wish him best of health and may all his wishes comes thru =) Being a billionaire by 30. You have 2 more years to go and I know you can do it. And also, find the love of your life. I remembered you saying that you have to get married by 30 right? Yes you also have to 2 more years to find her. Im pretty sure you have the person in your mind and just that thats not the main focus for you right now.

Lastly, I wish myself, best of health and stay focus. Hope I will be able to find the route to happiness in 2009 as I really wish to marry myself off by 2010....hahahha. Actually by then, my plan would have been delayed by 4 years when in fact I wanted to get married at 24 =) I would have been 28 in 2010....sigh.... I told myself, the next relationship will not last more than 1 and a half year. This is bcos the next one that comes into my life, I want him to have to ability to take care of me and marry me within a year time and not those whom I still have to wait for him to save up or stablise his career or whatever shit. I dont have time for anymore of this. You might find me realistic but sorry to say, life itself is realistic. Who knows I might never be able to find that Mr Right and I will ended up being placed in the museum?!?!? Hahahaha....

December 26, 2008

2008-12-27T03:05:00.002+08:00

HOHOHO!!! A BERY BERRY BELATED MERRY XMAS TO ALL MY DEAREST FRIENDS OUT THERE!!! May god blessed all of you out there with best of health and full of good lucks!!!

Again...lying on my bed with a bandage right leg. Sigh..need another 2 more weeks to recover. Doc was saying, NO seafood, NO beer, NO Soya, NO cold stuff, NO tea, NO milk, NO CHILLI....HELLLPPPP!!!! How could I live without all these?!?!??! Okay...no choice as I have lotsa ppl watching out at me. Making sure I touched none of the above...keke. Im like a princess in the office u know. They dont allow me to walk...so I just have to call out "Nizam" and he's there for me, getting me water, my cheques and stuff. Haha. Nizam is our part timer and whenever I call for him, he will be like"Yes Boss what you want boss"...pengz...damn funny guy and he will be like standing behind me when I walk. HAHAHA...

Just came back from Hush. Was there with Travan, Danny, Xiaoying, Darrick blah blah blah. Was kinda quiet there. Finally got to confirm with Ting that Jackson's dad passed away abt 2 weeks ago. I have no idea how to react when I first got to hear this from Celcius. You know Jackson's dad treats me really well. Really really good. He was just like a father to me and yet no one inform me of that. You know how it feels for not being able to see the last time of someone whom you care for? He was such healthy and cheerful man, living his life for his family, a wonderful dad and a wonderful husband. A sudden heart attack took away his life...

I learn to treasure the one that I love and resulted that each and everytime when I lost them, I lose control of myself. My niece's departure 7 years ago makes me realise that nothing hurts more than that. She's only 6 at that time. But as time passed by, you realise that you forgot that pain. When I lost Jackson and Rendy...the world seems to be crashing down on me. I forgot the pain of losing my niece is so much more than losing the 2 of them. Death is something which we cant escape from. One day someone dearest to me will have to leave and it's too late when you realise that there's a lotsa things you have not done for them.

Many many times, I've thought of ending my life cos I just dont have the courage to continue living. But my parents is the only courage for me to carry on, how are they going to live if I were to go before them. My mum gave me my life and I have no rights to end it without her permission. No matter how miserable life is, the world still rotate. No one will stop anything for you.

Nowadays, I've started to open up my social circle again. Time pass by faster and easier with ppl ard. Drinking, playing, laughing etc etc etc.... I buried myself wih work too. I always enjoy my work but only on the condition that some irritating ppl are not ard. Year end appraisal is set to be next week. Well we shall see how thing goes as I heard there some internal movement thingy.

Will be going over to Bangkok on Jan for a 4 days 3 nights trip with Chris, Ryan, Jolin, Josline and Mark. Will be flying by SQ and staying over at Grand Diamond City. Guess because of the riot thingy, the flight and lodging cos only 400 bucks exactly. Finally I get the chance to go back there again to pray. Things have not been going well for me after I failed to go back there. I do really wish that 2009 will be a good year for me just like what was said in the geomacy book. kekeke. I kinda believe in such stuff right now.

Last of all, I would like to thank all for the Xmas prezzies =) Its was really nice of you all. Yanni, Molly, Jeffrey, Jacelyn, Yean, Angie, Angelia, Jaiz, Jinn, Cindy, Christina, Chantel, Grace, Danny, Xiaoying and Chris. I've got a new 8gb i-Pod Nano for prezzie!!! I love it. Thanks Chris =) I have wanted to get one ever since I dropped mine into the lift hole...sigh... Thanks!!! And I've found a donor for a Sony PSP. The prize goes to....Chris again!!! Hahaha. Yah, he donated to me a white slim PSP....HUHU!!!! Two more donor to go. My LV Damier Neverfull GM and a Nintendo Wii =) ANY DONOR OUT THERE?!??!?!

Im meeting darling Josephine and baby Kayden for high tea later =) Any recommendations??? The one at Marriott is not bad. Well, we shall see how. Sms darling in the morning if she's okay with that =) Night night everyone.... *Yawn*

December 22, 2008

2008-12-22T02:25:00.002+08:00

240am...Lying on my bed thinking of what to write. Actually I've a lot of thing in my mind, just that no idea where to start from.

Was out to Moses's (my Secondary school classmate) wedding dinner at Expo Blissful Garden Restaurant. It was a small but super sweet and romantic dinner.... Seeing people who are deeply in love and being able to walk down the red carpet hand in hand, spending the rest of their life together...the feeling is indescribable. My tears almost fell.. Moses went up the stage and sang her wife a song. He wasn't a born singer and I guess it really took him lots of courage to do that. He came up with this idea just about a week ago and he change the lyric of the song. Holding on to his wife's hand, looking into her eyes, at that point of time, as if the whole world stop for just the two of them...having only each other in their eyes...

Just less than a year ago, I planned for my own wedding too and that was with Jackson. All along we share the common interest and speak the same language. We knew each other so well that I thought everything was so right. We have the idea of setting the theme of our wedding to be a "live" concert of ours...haha. Just in case you guys have no idea, Jackson was a superb singer. He was my idol =) We got to know each other thru singing too. That was at a pub @BQ called Passion which had already closed down not long after we knew each other.

We've even planned for the songs that we gonna sing. "你最珍贵"will be our march in song. He will be standing in front of the stage and I'll be behind the door. As he sing, he walks towards me and I walk in when its my turn to sing. We came together in the middle, hold our hands and walk to the stage together. When it comes to the second march in, "In Love With You" will be the song.

I've even got the idea of getting out parents to walk down the red carpet with us. Firstly will be his parents and followed by mine till they reach their table. He didn't really agree with the idea as he feels that his mum will be too shy to do that. Well, I've gotten this idea from some previous wedding that I've attended. This was a common practice in some countries which I couldn't remember where.

All this have become part of my regrets now. Its been 5 solid months now and all this is still fresh in my mind. The only difference is, Jackson is not the only regrets of my life, but xxxxx too... Whatever that I'm doing now will never bring them back to me again. Look at my previous post, the article about Love...It touches my heart.

I'm really glad to have people around me holding on to me whenever I fall. Danny, Xiaoying, Alvin, Michelle, Josephine, Travan, Darrick, Keith, Ah Hee, Garry, Jinhao and those out there, you know who you are. Thanks for all the attention and console given to me. I remember them in my heart....

I hate to think of whether you still remember me...care for me...or even worry for me...do I still occupy a space in your heart. xxxxx, I let you go bcos you gave me a reason that you have been worrying about and okay, I take it and I wont blame you for that. For now, you don't wanna settle down bcos the time is not right yet. Please don't let me know that if you have another gf. I can be very frank that I can't take it and that's for sure. Don't give me a reason whereby if its so contradicting that you don't realise it when that's happen. You know its always hard to know that the person who once loves you, is now in love with someone else. Yes I know, even no matter how unwillingly I am to accept the fact, I still have to accept it. It's really hard to give the blessing...sincerely right from the bottom of my heart. Maybe I'm just a selfish person that's all..

Finally my compliance leave had ended. From very looking forward to it till today, how I wish it could have end faster, the feeling is like sitting on a roller coaster. Huggi had become part of my memory and things ended ever since that bastard rammed into his car. I wish him best of health and he will seek the roots of happiness.

Have been drinking and drinking and drinking....when can I ever stopped the way of how I live now... seriously speaking, at least time pass by faster in this way...I just wanna know you have never give up on me...almightly...will you hold on to me, will I stand strong and will I survive...

爱...

2008-12-21T18:11:00.003+08:00

給我單身朋友們
愛就像一隻蝴蝶。越要追牠，卻越要逃避。
如果就隨牠自由的飛，牠會在你最不注意時飛向你。
愛使人快樂，卻常傷害人。
但只有在你把愛給了一個真正值得付出的人時，是最珍貴的。
所以，花點時間去選擇最好的他 /她吧

給我那不是單身的朋友們
愛不能使他 /她成為一個 '完美的人 '
它卻可以使你找到一個幫你成長的他 /她

給我玩世不恭的朋友們
如果你不在乎，不要說 '我愛你 '。
如果他們不在時，不要討論自已的感受
不要涉足會使他人心碎的生活。
說謊時，不要看著眼睛。
最殘忍的事莫過於男人讓女人愛他，卻是逢場作戲。
反之亦然 …

給我已婚的朋友們
不要老是說 '這是你的錯 '，何不說說 '對不起 '。
不要老是問 '你去哪裡了 '，何不說說 '我就在這兒等著你 '。
不要老是問 '你怎麼會這麼作？ '，何不說說 '我了解你 '。
不要老是說 '我希望你這麼做 '，何不說說 '我感謝你的一切 '。

給我那已訂婚的朋友們
要真正衡量包容心，不是看在一起幾年了，
而是要看彼此的敬愛

給我心碎的朋友們
心碎的時間和傷害的深度，完全取決於你自已。
難的是，如何從中學習，而不是從傷痛中爬起。

給我所有天真的朋友們
要如何戀愛？
--就愛吧。不要欲言又止；要互相協調，不要太固執；
要分享，且千萬不要有不公平；要了解，別命令；
受傷後不要再記恨。

給我積極的朋友們
看到你所愛的他 /她和其他人很快樂使你心碎
但知道你所愛的他 /她是和你在一起不快樂，
令人更加的傷心。

給我害怕去承認的朋友們
當你和他 /她分手時，愛受到傷害
當他 /她和你分手時，更是傷痛
但傷害最深的是你所愛的他 /她
完全無法了解你的感受

給我那還在等待的朋友們
人生最傷心的事，是你和他 /她愛情長跑了多年，
最後的結局卻不如所望。
如果他/ 她現在讓你覺得不值得付出，
那麼一年，甚至十年後，都不會值得付出的。
讓他 /她走吧 ...

給我所有的朋友們
我竭誠祝福你們愛著一個誠實、強壯、成熟、衷心、
有衝勁、保護你、積極、值得付出和無私的他 /她。

Love...

2008-12-21T17:58:00.004+08:00

To My Friends Who Are...........SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly.
The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.
But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it.
Love can make you happy but often it hurts, but love's only special
when you give it to someone who is really worth it.
So take your time and choose the best.

To My Friends Who Are............NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's 'perfect person.'
It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.

To My Friends Who Are............PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPE
Never say 'I love you' if you don't care.
Never talk about feelings if they aren't there.
Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.
Never look in the eye when all you do is lie.
The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love
when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...

To My Friends Who Are............MARRIED
Love is not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry.'
Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here.'
Not 'how could you', but 'I understand.'
Not 'I wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are.'

To My Friends Who Are............ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together
but how good you are for each other.

To My Friends Who Are............HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go.
The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

To My Friends Who Are............NAIVE
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble,
be consistent but not too persistent,
share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand,
and get hurt but never keep the pain.

To My Friends Who Are............POSSESSIVE
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else
but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.

To My Friends Who Are............AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone.
It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you.
But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.

To My Friends Who Are............STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love,
only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that
you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it.
If he isn't worth it now he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now.
Let go.....

TO ALL MY FRIENDS.......
My wish for you is a man/women whose love is honest, strong, mature,
never-changing, uplifting, protective, encouraging, rewarding and unselfish.

December 18, 2008

2008-12-18T05:26:00.002+08:00

It's 530am in the morning. This is the third day I've gone without sleeping...the most a power nap thats all. It's a torture frankly speaking. Im on leave but yet I couldnt even relax myself.

Was out to play manjong at Chris's place just now. Sigh...as usual, I lose again, ha...but Im not the most suay one. Jade was on winning streak initially, but ended up she lose 200 bucks, and well, I lose 100. Still okay as we are playing quite big actually. So ended Joe and Chris won lo. I was telling them again, what "Qing chang shi yi, Du chang de yi" is all bullshit lo.

If really...u are following my blog...I still miss you a lot...I have stop bothering for the past 2 days. I believe your life is much happier now. I couldnt stop myself from missing you and its really hard. Sometimes I wonder, are you missing me we as well??... I believe u dont... You life just went back to normal without me, it doesnt really cos any impact on you, but to me..... whatever it is. I know Im not happy without you. If theres a chance for me to choose, everything wouldnt have ended up this way.

Living my life alone might be carefree, but its lonely.. Now, there's tonnes of things for me to trouble over. No matter what, I'll live for my parents. Like I say, they are the only motivation for me to continue living in this world and nothing else.

My elder bro is getting married =) My future sister in law, Karen. Welcome to my family. They have got their flat @Punggol. Nice place I heard. It was something like a executive HDB some kinda of designer flat which is fully renovated like a condo and is ready to move in anytime. My bro was discussing with my mum on whether do they need to "Ti Qing" for ROM. Karen's sis was saying no need, the "Ti Qing" thing comes in only when it comes to customary. Well at least something happy happening in my house. Congrats Bro.

When is my turn? Haha, although my divine lot says that it time to get married but how to when Im still alone??? Haha.

Whatever it is, darling, dont give up on me. I love you.... and thats one thing Im very sure of despite the gap we have and the difference in our thinking. I believe something can be work out from this, if u still love me...but if u dont...I will not hold u back...I'll let you go your own way...the path that you will be happier to walk...

December 16, 2008

2008-12-16T17:43:00.002+08:00

Second day of my compliance leave...Have not sleep for like more than 48 hrs... think im attaining immortality very soon...haha... im not tired...just restless...thats all... im trying to boost myself up abit as it kinda diff to get on. Friends advise me to try out sleeping pills, but u know la, firstly I dont wanna start using it as I might rely on it. Secondly, I afraid I will misuse it...u know what I mean la...

Besides that, Im losing my appetite. Recently have been eating only once a day. Sigh.. I hate to go back to my 39kg weight u know...Its so diff to gain back my weight ever since I recover from my prolonged illness. Only manage to gain back 3kg to 42kg so far, but will be gone soon at the rate Im going.

Okay, im rather pissed of with OCBC and damn it. I swear I nvr take up their car loan for my next car. Shit them.

Hmm..anyway, went praying with my mum just now at Kwan Im Thong. Weird, I felt a sense of peacefulness in my heart and mind right away. Got myself a good lot. Here it goes..

佛祖第68籤。。。门庭吉庆喜非常积善之门大吉昌婚姻田蝉诸事逐病逢妙药即安康
春深日暖百花自开事莫迟疑从人显达

Lot 68... A good home where peace and happiness abound. By deeds of merits will they achieve peace. The time is right for marrying. The farm produces a good crop of silk and harvest. A remedy to cure all illness. The day is cool and fine with myraid of flowers blooming. Why do you fret when what you seek will soon be yours?

I do really hope that whatever I wish for will soon come true and what I fret over will soon be gone. Just like the wish that I made on the wishing ball @Parkway Parade, I wish for a happier and wiser me in the upcoming year 2009. May all my dearest friends stay happy, healthy adn wealthy forever! May the one that I love and care for, be happy and all the best in his studies...may he find his happiness and love of his life when he is ready to accept one. May his worries be gone and almightly blessed him with all good things....

As for myself right now, as long as I hold on to my faith, I believe I will be able to wait till the day u appear or reappear. I hold on to that believe...u will never let me down...u will hold on to me when I fall...u will love me till I die...

I will work my way up the corporate ladder and yes, Im on my way there. And one more paper to finish my Diploma in BA and Marketing. Well.. I flung my FOM last semester and I have to re-register for the class as well as the exam. Actually I only need to re-sit the paper, but I missed a lot of class the previous time due to my hectic work, so its better that I attend the class again. Thou its a theory paper but as you know, I hate theory and Im bad at memorising. Im a mathematical person to be exact and that is why Im dealing with figures right now or even for the past one decade...keke.

Still thinking whether I should go on with my advance dip. Hmmm...wonder if I could hold on to that determination. But I do need that paper to go on to my degree @SIM. Anyway, I still have tonnes of time. So whats the rush? Oh ya, before I forget, I need to register for the sign language course @Sadeaf too. Think the class is starting =)

Its 652pm now...my hand still hurts...

December 15, 2008

2008-12-15T00:30:00.002+08:00

Finally got myself out of the house today. Did not had a good sleep last night. Fell aslp on the sofa while trying to write my blog. Even my dreams is in a mess. Things just pop out the moment I open up my eyes. It's really terrible...nightmare....nightmare...and nightmare....

No choice, got up at 10 plus 11. Kok Leong, my sec 1 school mate called up asking whether I'm free anot, he needs someone to accompany as he's feeling really down. Something happen between he and his gf la. I gave him all the advise that I could and seriously speaking, I have never try consoling someone with such confidence (as Im speaking from my experience)....haha.

I do not actually need any console from anyone as I really know what u guys wanna say. I really understand, but whether a not that I could accept it is another thing.

Was at Vivo having lunch @Carnivore. One of my few favourite dining spot. Its Brazilian cuisine and it goes really well with a bottle of carbernet....huhu...delicious.. After which, went shop shop ard while waiting for Kok Leong's stuff to be ready for collection. He did a jigsaw shape key chain with his pic on one piece and his gf pic on the other piece. He was really upset with his gf decision and what he can do now is to wait. He's really remorseful of not being more caring and neglecting her and he was saying like he really learn his lesson this time.

Sometime ppl only realise their mistakes when things happen. Why is that so? When that someone is by your side, why dont u treasure it at that point of time? Why must we have all the regrets when we could actually do something about it right in the beginning? If u r reading my blog, tells me....do I mean anything to you???...

Sigh...spend money today. Bought 2 tops and a dress from MaryJane, a skirt from Mphosis and a scaft. Hmmm....spent ard 200 bucks bah....heart pain....But still, I wanted to get myself a LV Damier Neverfull PM. Any volunteer to buy me that????? MUHAHAHAHAH!!!! Yes I WANT IT!!!! And I need a PSP, a WII, a Sony Vaio lappie, a Ipod and a coil over for my Subaru!!! ANY SPONSORER OUR THERE!?!??!?! HELO HELO HELO!!!!

Been raining the whole day....nice cooling weather...think should be able to fall aslp tonight bah... Okay...I need to go and bathe le....chou chou....eeeeeeeeee.............kekekkekek.....nightz everyone. Nights my love....nights my darling....nights my dear.....hahahah.....who are they? I also dunno....

December 13, 2008

2008-12-13T20:33:00.002+08:00

Besides knowing that my heart hurts, I have no other feeling... ... ...

My head is spinning and splitting...There's so many things in my mind...it's driving me crazy...can someone just tell me what more can I do to get out of this shit. I hate myself for being who I am. I hate it. Tell me what have done wrong to deserve all this!

Crying the hell out of me doesnt help. I cant help but it just keep appearing. The scene of how u ppl leave me just keep playing like a video clip in my mind. I dont want anything else, I just need you by my side. Knowing someone is there by my side to hold on to me when I fall is more than enough. I hate the feeling of being alone. I dont know what to do now.

I came to know that losing you is unpreventable, but yet, I still couldnt accept it. I ask myself, am I really not good enough? Am I really not worth your love? Am I just a passer by to you???

Maybe after today, you will not remember who am I. Im just another stranger who had passed by your life. Maybe you still carry on your life like as if you never know me. Why am I crying here like a fool when I know you never come back to me again.

Ppl out there, dont be surprise when u find me uncontactable or go missing. I had enough of everything...really... I just want you ppl to take good care of yourself, live your life to the fullest and treasure what you have now.. Dont end up like me, losing eveything.. everything single thing that we came to this world for. Love, family and money....everything.... Family? Yes I love my parent and they are the only one that I couldnt let go of. I love them more than anything else. But I lost the love between me and my bro. 24 yrs of sibling love, just bcos of a fact that I wrote, everything ended up this way. I have not done wrong. U r e one who came asking me for help and no second thought, I help. Today, u see me as an enemy. Money, bcos of you I ended up having nothing but debts. Love, I lost the one whom I thought will be my hubby for the rest of my life. And then you cam into my life, but suddenly, you realise you dont need me anymore, you left. Leaving me fending for myself, leaving me to pick myself up again. Do you ppl have any idea how hard it is to get on without everything. If you still can find me a reason to stay in this world, let me know...

December 13, 2008

2008-12-12T19:51:00.002+08:00

240am... Just came back from a manjong session at Darrick's house. I won 65 bucks..haha. Has prata at Hougang there and my tummyache is back... Been having bad tummyache sinch morning when i woke up. I skip breakfast and lunch today. No appetite to eat.. had diarrhoea the moment I ate a piece of samosa and a mouth of coffee. We are having high tea buffet in the office today.

I miss him so much. Yes, sometimes im really angry when he dont keep his promise,being too lazy, not caring and unthoughtful. But still....

Are you there to read my blog??? Tell me one thing last before I go...How am I suppose to live without u....

Ive been trying real hard to get things work out, but it seems to be a one sided thing. U have decided what you want for now, I wont hold u back, I will give u the freedom which u long for...

Being alone....is that the only way out for me???

Im now having my compliance leave...a boring one...i can say. Suppose to be in Tokyo now, but there's always unpredictable events occuring. Its beyond our control but learn to accept it. We cant go against destiny...what will happen, will happen....

No matter how unwillingly, I still have to let you go. I know nothing will come out of it, but still I treasure you as part of my memory, u make me realise that I cant fall in love again. U assure me that there no such thing as eternal love...

I hate it when all my ex tells me, u will find someone better than me out there, im not worth it. I keep my hope shining and i always tell myself, the next one will be a better one. Whether u r worth it a not, the grading comes from me and not u.

Im in love with these lyrics...

我舍不得可是时间回不去了爱你很值得只是该停了没有我你要好好的
我舍不得最后一次抱紧你了我们错过的错了就算了不用担心我我不爱你了。。。

The True Meaning of LOVE - A Touching Story

2008-12-12T19:43:00.002+08:00

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it.

The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness...
I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.
"Why?" he asked, shocked.
"I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.
He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?
And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?"
Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered :
"Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind,
Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"
He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow....
" My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....
My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further..

" This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.
"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.
You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.
You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism.
I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.
You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do...
I could not pick that flower yet, and die..
" My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. .... and as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer,
if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...
I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread......

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does,
and I have decided to leave the flower alone...
That's life, and love.
When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away,
and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness. Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form... flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life...
Love, not words win arguments...

Moments in Life

2008-12-09T19:16:00.002+08:00

There are times in your life when you miss someone so much you just want to take them from your dreams and give them a real hug!

When one door closes, another one opens; but there are times when we have sat and stared at the closed door for so long that we don't notice there are many other doors open.

Don't rely solely on appearances, they can be deceiving. Don't look for riches for they will most likely disappear before your eyes. Look for that person that makes you smile. Even a simple smile can brighten the darkest of days. Find the friend who makes your heart smile.

Dream what you want to dream. Go where you want. Be what you want to be... You only have one life and one opportunity to do anything and everything you want to do.

I wish for you...

...enough happiness to make you sweet

...enough trials to make you strong

...enough sadness to keep you human

...enough hope to keep you happy

The happiest one is not necessarily "the one who has eveything", but he may be the one who knows how to make the best of everything that he comes across.

A brillant future is based on a forgotten past. You won't be able to go forward until you have put the hard times behind you.

When you are born, you cried while everyone around you smile. Live your life this way until the end when you are left smiling.

Don't count the years, count the memories...

December 03, 2008

2008-12-02T23:50:00.004+08:00

Okay.. long day at work after a day of good rest.

Rather irritated with some bloody nonsense from some loser again. Here the comment goes...

Anonymous said...
oh,another thing.if u seriously don't want anyone to invade in your privacy and leaving unknown comments, maybe you should set your blog settings to only invited users can read. then everyone can also be spared of all those sickening complaints about your love life and loser childishness. fyi,maybe you will be happy to find out anonymous won't be coming in anymore to digest some unhealthy nonsense. oh,but maybe there may be another anonymous who again can't take your ridiculousness. bid farewell and good luck on your losing journey.

Frankly speaking, I have nvr came across anyone who is more idoitic than this. Firstly, if Im want privacy, I wouldnt have open up this blog and thanks, I know about that setting, but in order to allow loser like you to read how Im here laughing at you, I dont set it up. Well since you find that my love life and loser childishness is unhealthy, than why the fuck are you reading it. hahah, cos you are one too. Muahahaha. oh well, Its not just maybe, Im fucking happy to have these kinda of loser to get out of my blog or even my sight. World peace =) Nah and same to you loser, enjoy ur life that only a loser like YOU can lead...wahahahah!!!! Thank god Im alive!!!!

I never have the feeling that my life is messed up wor? keke. Its only jumble up...wahahaha!!! Nananananan.....lalalalalalalala......

Being happy is in your hand. Lead your life the way u want it to be. Life will only get better when you have the control over it. Past are meant to be memories and present are meant to be cherish.

Whatever it is, it is. I never regretted whatever I have done. I have not done anyone wrong but for some ppl, they themself know what they have done. Just a gentle reminder to watch your steps while walking.

December 02, 2008

2008-12-02T02:49:00.002+08:00

End of my precious 1 day leave. Was out the whole day since 930am (when I actually slept at 4 plus). Gana disturb by some bastard in my hse and interruped my good night sleep. When can all this fucker just get out off my life and my sight...sigh....

Fetch Rendy to school then went to my mum's shop. Was surfing net there and drinking my coffee of the day. Sigh...saw a irritating person again early in the morning and for sure, my day had been spolit. Expected, that person complain some nonsense to my mum again and of course, I have my ways to counterstrike. As I told my mum, some ppl are just not worth helping you know. No matter how u help them, they will just treat it as if u own them.

Seriously speaking, I share the same view as Huggi. We write blog to release our frustration and woes. Please dont come and question me on why like this or why like that. Even if I write here saying that life is meaningless, does that mean I want to die? But one thing, if Im here scolding someone bastard, and yes, he is one! Thats for sure. And I know this person will be following my blog to see whats up on my sleeves, and here it goes.

I refuse to endorse the application on changing of partnership to sole proprietor when I saw the email notification. I have no idea that the business had been sold for a 30 grand. And yes, that bastard came into my room with some fucking nonsense which I choose to ignore. Saying what "You want to play right, I can play with you"...hahahaha. I tell you. This is the classic joke of the year. Have you heard of a loser telling someone this kinda words? Will u be scared? Do u think I care? Well, to be exact, I've totally ignore this person, maybe its just some irritating noise cause by insects or creatures.

Okay, at least my parents get back some of their money and yes, I dont get back a single cents. Its okay, worth spending the money to buy the truth and see the real side of someone whom you have been staying with for 24 yrs.

Some Anonymous actually made some comment on my previous post and here's my reply...

To: Anonymous
Thanks for stupid and unless comments. To be exact, some ppl are tends to be that fuck up that he himself dont realise how fuck up they are. They are so idoitic that they dont even realise how stupid they are. They are so useless that they dont even realise how USELESS they are. So if you are so free to leave such comments here. Pls go and take a look and urself to see how successful u r today before commenting on ppl abt their "messed up" life. Moron.
*ps Please leave ur "big name" here to showcast the whole how clever u r to leave such comments here.

Okay, guys and gals. So pls remember to leave ur name when leaving me your comments, just in case I scold the wrong person right...hahaha. not good u know =)

Okay whatever it is, continue with what I have done today. Okay, fetch Rendy from school at 1pm and we head down to Peninsula Plaza to pick up his tailor made shirt meant for his sis's wedding. The uncle was late for like an hour?!?! We head down to Funan for lunch first, shop ard and ended up sitting in my car surfing net. And thats when I endorsed the application and Im officially off the partnership. Not just then, the whole shop belongs to someone else now.

After getting his shirt, we hit on to Johor. Got my R4 and SD card for my DS Lite =) BUT..... the card hang my Nintendo...and I gotta get my ass back there to have it fix after my Penang trip. Also got ourselves some PC games. I bought a Celebrity Manjong, Need for Speed Undercover and Warcraft Creep United with Dota Allstar v6.53 All New Series 09 =) Okay, the stupid Need for Speed needs CD key and THEY DIDNT GAVE TO ME...WTF?!?!?!

Best of all, we bought BIRD NESTS! And you know what, me and Rendy thought we saw it wrongly and we even ask the staff there whether did they wrote it correctly. The bird nest was selling at RM59 and it BUY 1 GET 3 FREE!!!!! Ya of course, we bought it. Rendy was still checking on the expiry date just in case...muahahaha.

Sianz part is of course the stupid jam... Jam for ard an hour or so. Rendy was late for his work, so I have to drive back really fast to let him change and grab his dinner at home. Afterwhich, we head down to Yishun Safra, and I had my dinner there. 1 Turkey bacon pizza and 3 glass of Asahi Light Beer =) Nice comfy lounge. Rendy bought a pretty nice love songs CD there and I was like sitting there enjoying till he knock off @10 plus. Went back to AMK for Dota with Weihan and Ah mu. Afterwhich, went down Jalan Besar for curry rice before Rendy send me back.

Okay...finished....hahaha. Packed day. *Yawn* Bu xing le....going to sleep le...have to work later....nightzzzzz.............. 321am

December 01, 2008

2008-12-01T10:36:00.002+08:00

1045am Its Monday and IM ON LEAVE!!!! It always feel good to be on leave on a Monday. It means my week is shorten...kekeke =)

Suppose to be enjoying myself in Bangkok or Bali....but haiz....ended up Im now in my mummy's shop doing nothing... =(

I slept like 12 hrs on Sat...woke up at abt 5 plus late afternoon, resulted in I couldnt sleep in the night.... =S So I slept like 4am this morning and woke up at 830am...

Yesterday night, my bastard bro walk in to my room asking me to endorse the apllication in change of business status from partnership to sole proprietor. Actually I saw the email notification like few days ago, but I ignore it. Well he was saying that he transfer the business to somebody else and had already sign the contract and I was like WTF? And best of all, he was like saying, dont expect to get back a single cent!!! Fxxx to the core. Okay, this thing is like pissing me off early in the morning.

Well sometimes in life, there will just be some kinda of irritating and disgusting stuffs thats hindering the way. Just shover it off and continue to walk on. You will bound to see the ray of light that will guide u along the way.

I just choose to ignore those unimportant things thats bothering me for all this time. Since its gonna be there and since u have to face it, then bothering over things that you have to resolve sooner or later will just resulted in you getting depression and nothing else =)

Okay, so what Im going to do now, a quote from Travan Tan...hahaha...Im gonna act like nothing happen, smile like its okay and laugh like its nothing =D

November 28, 2008

2008-11-29T04:16:00.002+08:00

Its 430am in the morning and im still wide awake. Its Jiade's birthday, my friend for more than a decade. He's my 6 yrs ex-bf buddy and I really thank him for being a friend despite me and Jeremy goes our separate ways. Today, after so many years, he finally got himself a gf, Natalie. I sincerely wish him happiness and may the 2 of you be always loving.

Sometimes, how I wish that if I can wish the same thing to myself and it turns into reality, how great will that be...but that would never be the case. The unhappiness and stress that is on my back is driving me crazy.

Went for dinner with Travan at PS TCC just now while waiting for Xuanxuan's grand arrival (it's a norm for him to be late...). I was reciting to him my story and once again I feel the anger swollowing me. Jackson kept appearing in my mind these few days. The scene of he cheating on me and lying to me flashed past in my mind like a video playback...

Okay...Im continuing my piece in the later part of the day. Its 920pm now...

Was out with darling Josephine and Baby Kayden. Have our tea @Orchard Coffee Club. Nothing much to do. Went shopping at Taka and afterwhich head to Lido McCafe for some coffee and internet surfing.

Now writing the rest of my piece...

I really have no confidence in whatever Im doing now. After everything came crashing down, it seems that I have no reason to keep the confidence level there. I have no idea what more can I do to make things right. I really need to know what Im doing now is right or wrong. I need to know who I can trust and who I can love. What can I do to make myself happy...

Can someone tell me.... Are you still there??? U have been there for me the past 2 months and yet I cant be there for you. Or maybe, u dont need me to be there...

November 27, 2008

2008-11-28T01:18:00.004+08:00

从新的念一次关于我的简介。。。

雙重性格，有點神經質。可以將自己聰明、細膩、能幹、溫情、幽默、有內涵等優良品質完全外展，同时可以表現得非常外向、健談，容易與人打成一片（這本非我的性格）。要面對很多實際的瑣事，這時便不得不在冷静中面對周圍世界：要麼說話做事很不自然，有做作的痕跡；要麼便極度冷漠和被動，對誰都不理不睬。其實我很清楚自己現在的樣子，但却無力改變和控制自己的情緒，只能選擇瘋狂地逃避一切。與其很不自然地面對大家，尷尬地和人說些無關痛癢地話，或是因和平時反差太大而被人說成表裡不一，性格怪異，還不如先躲一陣子，等調節好了以後再出來。所以，在與人交往中，我只會和不得不交流的人（實在躲不掉）或是完全陌生的人（反正無所謂）交談，而和熟悉的朋友反而疏遠

其实我很清楚自己的性格。我自认我脾气暴躁，没耐性。。但我却能为我爱的人而把这些本性给埋藏起来。我知道这样维系一短感情是很不健康的，但当一个人陷入一短又一短的恋情时，又有多少人能理智的面对和处理。

如果所有感情都能有完美的结尾，是不时活在这个地球村的人都会幸福呢？

我曾经拥有过，也失去过，但这不能阻止我继续寻找我的真爱。我知道你在这世界的某一个角落等着我。请你耐心点，不要放弃我，要等我。我们现在就像两条平行线，永远没有交际点。但我相信，只要我们注定是属于对方的话，总有一天，我们会相遇的。记着，坚持自己的信念，一切都会没事的。

接下来的话，想告诉那位我关心的人，希望他能早日康复，永远快乐。我忠心的祝你能找到或等到你的真爱。一切都会过去的。所然我不能明白你所受的痛和不快乐，但我希望你知道，到现在为止，你始终拥有着我那满满的祝福和关心。我始终相信我认识的那个人，不曾离开过。因为你已经在我的心中。。。

我真的希望，圣诞老公公能送我一架时光机，让我能回到过去，去弥补我的遗憾，我的后悔和我的过错。。。。但一切。。都已经来不及了。。。

November 26, 2008

2008-11-26T23:18:00.003+08:00

It's been a long time since I last wrote my blog using my own lappie. Just reformat it and now trying to do all the updates, copying my back ups, installing applications blah blah blah =)

Just drop by Huggi's blog and yah, he's now recuperating in the hospital. Was so worry that why he din post anything on his blog neither did he log in to msn so many days after his surgery. At least now I know that he's much okay, Im more relieved..

Actually wanted to have a short vacation this weekend but decided to cancel it as it's so expensive to book the air tics so last min. Bangkok was one of my choice and Im so lucky that I din go as the situation there now is really bad. If not I would have wasted my hotel money.

Just bought the coach tickets to Penang today. Leaving on Friday and will be back on Monday midnight...I can be sure I will be super duper sehz the next day after the long journey (erm...it's like 12 hrs journey...sehz....)

Watching "Shen Zhe Wei Wang" now. The mafia show by Ekin Cheng they all. Cant remember how many times have I watch this show. Keke..

Okay...going out for my routine supper while my lappie runs my back up files. Will be back to continue with a couple of mp3 files which I just bought.

.....Continue.....255am....

Watching "Zhu Guang Bao Qi"...the new HK TVB series. Not a bad show. It's on the 27 episode in HK and i just started episode 1 now. Haha...way to go man.

Still coughing away...especially bad in the night...duhz...using my nose spray so that I can have a better sleep. It month end soon and volume is getting high again. Sigh...tonnes of works to do again later. Well, looking forward to Dec 5 as IT'S AWS!!!! Things are not looking good...no increment next yr...sadz... what to do. Most important thing for now is to keep our rice bowl secure =) Gambate ne!!!

November 19, 2008

2008-11-19T01:03:00.003+08:00

Huggi is in the theatre now. Having surgery on his nerve system. Right from the bottom of my heart, I really hope that he can lead back his normal life again. Recently I felt so distance to him. Things does change overnight. Be it whether you want it to happen a not. Its beyond our control. Just let it be...What ever will happen...will happen... Sometimes I just wanna say I really care, but I cant. Sometimes I really wonder what's really going on and is there something that I shouldnt really have take it to heart. Maybe its just some casual conversation between friends and no other meanings...

Yesterday, Grace suddenly says to me, "Joe, you can control your emotions really well hur, no matter how upset or unhappy you are, you can control it"... and it puzzled me. Thinking back, I dont really think thats the case... Well you can say Im just trying to hide my feelings. I do have hot temper and I get on my nerves really easily. But I just cant help it. But I will only show my temper to my love ones such as my family and buddy...bf...use too.

Recently I have been trying hard to control my emo and stuffs. I dont like and I dont want to think... I just want some peace in my mind but I just cant...

Its already mid November and Im on holiday mood dude!!! Still deciding on the destination for my short trip from 29 Nov to 01 Dec. Maybe Bangkok, maybe Bali, maybe Hong Kong =) Confirmed trip to Penang from 06 Dec to 08 Dec with Wencong, Wenhui, Fang Wei, Sylvia, Zexing, Candy, Mingfa & Michael . Tokyo-Maui *pending*....

HUHU!!! Victor Chan is not ard for 3 solid days and YEAH!!!! I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it...MADAGASCAR!!! keke =p

Mr Rendy Dai...try not to "zhua you" k. Step on the accelerator lightly kk =) keke. It's only slope...not mountain road lo...hahaha.

Im still coughing like nobody business and Im really tired of it....it 129am...IM HUNGRY!!!!!

November 13, 2008

2008-11-14T00:15:00.004+08:00

Hasnt been very active in writing my blog recently. Partly bcos of my stupid laptop which is down with virus, and partly bcos...I'm lazy...haha.

Well, we had a Christmas tree light up ceremony in the office this morning. White christmas tree with golden bling bling deco =) I had one white one in my house too, but...nah...I will be very enthu with putting up the deco, but usually my poor daddy would have to clear up the mess when Christmas is over...keke.

This week was a fast one...IT"S FRIDAY!!!!

Took a peep at Huggi's blog just now...he posted a piece today. He's in a really really bad bad mood. I'm not going to disturb him in any way. He needs to be alone....

Will be going over to Bintan on 29 Nov to 01 Dec to relax a bit and will be back on 01 Dec. Clearing my last day of leave for 2008. Another trip to Penang from Dec 06 to 08 with same bunch of ppl that went Batam last month. The trip in Dec will still be on...but Huggi wont be joining the gang. But erm...I dont know anyone else besides him...so I really have no idea where would I ended there and sigh... whatever it is......

November 10, 2008

2008-11-10T22:39:00.003+08:00

My cough is really bad and my lungs will be cough out anytime. Cant stand it so left office at 6pm today. But went dinner at Geylang with Rendy instead and bought herbal tea there. Cough syrup no use...lozenges no use...Chinese medicine no use...herbal tea...no use... I NEED MAGIC PILLS!!!

I really need miracle to happen. Everything that's happening to me now needs nothing but miracle. I'm really tired of my life....really am...I have no directions at all...I have no idea where I'm heading too. People live in this world for some reason or so but what's my reason and motivation to stay on, can someone tells me... I'm not ending my life for whatever shit don't worry. I'm just complaining that's all. There bounds to be low tides in life and when you reach the bottom, that's when you will rebound back to the top.

I always say, happiness is a privilege and not an entitlement. Learn to treasure it when you have it cos its not going to be there forever. Although Ive always learn to treasure the happiness that I have and I enjoy giving out joy and bring smile to other's faces, but on the other hand, who's there for me and bring joy to my life. Yah, you might say friends and family... I do agreed with that. But there's some kinda happiness is something that they cant provide... I use to think that I have the kinda happiness and life that I want, but when everything came collapsing down, I was alone holding on to it. I'm really not that strong to carry everything on my back. I have carried too much and now I'm facing the side effect...

I'm trying hard to be myself today. But my mind just couldn't stop thinking how's Huggi... I'm really worried about how he is now... Are you okay... ??..

There's a lot of stuff in my mind now... I need to get it sort out...

2008-11-09T19:37:00.003+08:00

Your Luck In Year 2009

Dog (Born in: 1922 1934 1946 1958 1970 1982 1994 2006)

Personality
Honest , faithful and possessing deep loyalty and responsibility. Can be magnanimous and prosperous, yet also guarded and defensive, never really relaxed despite outer calm. She has a glib tongue, practical and realistic. The Dog is also trustworthy and generous to people and has a deep sense of justice. This maybe the most likable sign of all in the Chinese cycle. A person born in the year of the Dog is honest, intelligent and straightforward. He has a deep sense of loyalty and a passion for justice and fair play. A dog native is usually animated and attractive and will exude sex appeal. Generally amiable and unpretentious, he will know how to get along with others as he is not too demanding. The egalitarian dog likes to meet others halfway, is always willing to listen to reason and can be counted on to do his share. For a friend, you must know that whenever you are in trouble, all you have to do is dial D-O-G. For no matter how much he or she complains, scolds, feign indifference, the Dog person cannot ignore a real call for help. At times, the dog protects the interests of others more avidly than his own. The Dog often sticks to his object of affection no matter how unworthy the person is. You don't find a dog leaving home just because he discovers that his master has the proverbial feet of clay. He makes allowances for such frailties and will probably stick it out thick or thin.

The Dog likes: Routine, Challenges, Friends, Presents, Travel, Food, Play and Nature
The Dog dislikes: Mistreatment, Fakes, Discomfort, Rudeness, Dishonesty, Hunger and Anger
Compatible Animals: Tiger, Rabbit, Horse

Overall Forecast
Many lucky stars favour you this year. Nonetheless there also appear dark forces at work to undermine your successes. Thus, walk your path with caution, mindfulness and wisdom. Keep to your business and avoid all sorts of gossiping. Never dabble with extra-marital affairs. Be on constant preparation for the uncertain,as it will be a tremendous challenge for you. Face it with a positive mindset. A favourable year to acquire properties or to move house. Tame internal conflicts in anticipation of challenges due to clinching of business deals. Improve your relations with others. Beware of sexual and business plots against you.

Career
A very smooth and favourable year for career and work progress. Increase in business volume, coupled with your creativity and ingenuity, results in speedy advancement in career. Be mindful of your words and where teasing should be done with awareness of how the others will feel. Else you will be ostracized. Maintain a good relation with your superior.

Love
A very favourable affinity with the opposite gender can sparks romance. Singles should get to know each other better once they found a target. Couples blissfully enjoy each other’s company yet there are vile persons interfering. Avoid one night stand, as they will cause you much sorrow and trouble.

Wealth
Wealth star shines high and the vault opens with welcoming hand. There is investment gains and good wealth inflow. Grab the chance to purchase properties or to start a business. Be vigilant with regard to your finances and do not be greedy with gambling luck. Caution against robbers and thieves by keeping valuables out of sight. Secure your home well.

Health
Reduce intake of alcohol. A neutral health constitution requires adequate exercise. Caution against danger cause by lust; exercise your discretion. Take note of blood pressure and rheumatism problems. Keep yourself warm and do not climb high.

November 09, 2008

2008-11-09T19:19:00.002+08:00

Sunday, just came to know that Huggi got in a grave accident. I was stunned the min I saw this news posted on his blog by Ivan... Eve was saying he's in a stable condition now but have to be hospitalised still. The accident might have agitated his old back injury which was already very bad and also there might be some blood clots in his head. *PRAY* Please keep huggi safe from any further harm that might happen to him. Please let him have all the blessing and he will have mine too... Seriously speaking I have no idea how to keep in touch with him and I really like to hear his voice to confirm his current situation... I'm worried...really am...

November 06, 2008

2008-11-06T22:39:00.005+08:00

Im down with cough again. It's a trend in my office now. Out of 5, 2 are having cough. I have low immune system and sigh, jackpot.

Super super long week. My buddy Yanni is on compliance leave. Angelia mc on Monday.. Jeffrey mc on Tuesday...huhu.. I reach home near midnight for past few days...The cough is making me feeling breathless and causing me to feel giddy every now and then. My sinus infection is causing the right side of my nose to be block everyday. And I have to sleep using my mouth to breathe. What happen to me again...

Just got news that Aga might be taking back Lockbox Team from Yean and that Shan is moving over Lockbox to replace Vic. Wohoo!!! Our Lockbox legend Agatha is back. Just in case you have no idea, Aga used to head IPU and Yean was her one down taking care of Giro Team. Aga left Citi a year ago with Yean taking over Lockbox team and Alfred heading IPU. Now Alfred have left for Citi Beijing and Aga is back, currently heading Inward and Outward Team while Yean still head Lockbox and Giro (they are of the same post now). To be exact, we are VERY happy with the news. Esp knowing that Vic will be out of Lockbox, the feeling was like striking lottery!! WOHOO!!!

Not that we are mean or just in case u might be thinking we are into some office politics, but sorry, we are not. If he is capable, we are more than happy to have him as colleague, but please lo, he's just trying to show his position and ordering ppl ard (thou he dont dare to do that to me) keke... and his best move is being Yean's D...keke..

ITS FRIDAY TOMORROW!!! Was thinking whether to go St James with Randy they all or to meet up with "Goon Goon" at Zouk....hmmm...but I was there on Mambo night le... aiya...dunno la... think about that later.

Was feeling pretty pissed off these few days. That bastard lost my ACER laptop!!! xxxxing hell, Im still paying for the instalments lo. How can someone lost such a big laptop?!?!?! Trust me!!! I dont believe that bastard lost it. I borrow him my phone previously and he also say he lost it. Damn it. He must have sold it! DAMN BLOODY HELL!!! The pissed off thing is that he din say anything abt it until I ask my mum to get back the Acer for me (as my Packard Bell is almost up the lorry) and that is when he say he lost it! Thanks leh!!! U dont have to inform ppl when u lost ppl's stuff hor!!! Still dare to say, I pay for the instalment loh! xxxx off la, if u can pay then I wont be paying it for nothing for the past 10 months!!!

And second pissed off thing is that my staff pays me back some money and he simply just used it to pay for his own xxxxing things!!! U get what I mean?!?!? Isnt that a xxxxER!!! Simply just take other ppl thing and assume its his own!!!! I always like this quote "If you dont have such a big head, dont wear such a big hat"!! Using other ppl's backside to stick on your own face hur. Trying to be smart and acting like one. U just simply look stupid to be exact. Very soon I will be doing what I should do before thing gets out of hand.

Okay...my medicine is taking effect...zzzzzzzzzzzz

November 02, 2008

2008-11-02T12:39:00.004+08:00

Have not posted anything since October 22 as my laptop was down with virus and now have to use my desktop. Nothing much recently. Just had a short but fun trip over to Batam on Oct 25 & 26 for some sea sports & seafood. Pretty relax. Just feeling happier as days passed by and approaching nearer to my compliance leave.. counting down to 40 days!!! YOHOO!!! Will be off to Penang on Dec 06 to 08 then to Tokyo & Hawaii from Dec 12 to 21. *Big grin* =D

Recently have been listening to this song. The lyrics simply fill me.

不必在乎我是谁

我觉得有点累我想我缺少安慰
我的生活如此乏味生命象花一样枯萎
我整夜不能睡可能是因为烟和咖啡
如果是因为没有人陪我愿意敞开心扉

几次真的想让自己醉让自己远离那许多恩怨是非
让隐藏已久的渴望随风飞噢忘了我是谁
女人若没人爱多可悲就算是有人听我的歌会流泪
我还是真的期待有人追何必在乎我是谁

我想你说的对寂寞使人心碎
是寂寞使人心碎恋爱中的女人才美
我想我做的对我想我不会后悔
不管春风怎样吹让我先好好爱一回

Oh, it's my buddy Yanni's birthday tmrw. HAPPY 27th BIRTHDAY GIRL!!! May happiness be with you forever and stay cheerful always!!!

ALOHA!!!!

My love will get you home

2008-11-02T12:19:00.002+08:00

If you wander off too far My love will get you home
If you follow the wrong star My love will get you home
If you ever find yourself Lost and all alone
Get back on your feet and think of me
My love will get you home Boy My love will get you home

If the bright lights blinds your eyes My love will get you home
If your troubles break your stride My love will get you home
If you ever find yourself Lost and all alone
Get back on your feet and think of me
My love will get you home Boy My love will get you home

If you ever feel ashame My love will get you home
If its only you to blame My love will get you home
If you ever find yourself Lost and all alone
Get back on your feet and think of me
My love will get you home Boy My love will get you home

If you ever find yourself Lost and all alone
Get back on your feet and think of me
My love will get you home Boy My love will get you home
Boy My love will get you home

October 22, 2008

2008-10-23T01:31:00.002+08:00

What more can I say... Things are no way getting better. Im stuck... feeling stuck too...

You know, sometimes I just feel that I'm no one in the planet. So insignificant to even let someone realise my presence... Maybe being on my own would be a much better choice. Is there anything I can do to unstuck myself?!?!

Will it make a difference if I'm somebody? Yes, so what I'm just a normal OL with a daily routine job, but does it makes me a happier person if I'm a somebody?

Afterall, I just need someone to be by my side, listen to me pouring out woes, giving me a big bear hug whenever I'm upset or feeling down, giving me a kiss on the forehead every night before going to sleep, telling me that he loves me every morning the first thing he wakes up, telling me that whatever thats going to happen, he have his arms around me telling me not to be afraid and telling me whatever problems is not a problem as I have him....

Will all this wishes ever gonna come true. Where are you??? I hate the feeling of loneliness. I hate it even more when you comes into my mind and kept reminding me of how you leave me... how you tells me to let go and give up and tells me to stop all the crazy acts..tells me to leave you alone... How could I ever let go when you are once the person I love most and wanted to marry to...all the promises that you gave is still in my mind.

I swear to myself that I would never ever trust the promises you guys give. If you just wanna find someone to flirt around with or trying to fool around, please stay away from me. Or even if you are attracted to me at the first sight and wanna try your luck, I can advise you just one thing, dont try. If you know you cant love me because of some reason that you couldnt let go of, please dont lead me on. Im not as strong as I thought I am... I cant afford to have another round of disappointment. Im on my verge...please, please, please... dont give me any false ideas nor hopes that you jolly well know that you cant promise or when you yourself know that you cant accept anyone right now... Im totally at the losing end thinking whats gonna happen next...

Who am I to you now... a friend?..?.. I would like to thank you if you are just trying to help me overcome my sadness, but you know what, Im still sad and I know that Im just courting troubles...

I would pay all prices just to find the right you....I know you are somewhere waiting for me too... I know there will be this very day that we walk down the red carpet and walk towards our many upcoming years of life together...

October 21, 2008

2008-10-21T01:09:00.002+08:00

Sigh...left office at 1030pm and had my dinner at 12am... had a rather busy and irritated day at work. This stupid technician came to fix my kodak scanner and you know what...I dunno what had he done to my com and it crashed!?!! What the heck! I cant open up any of my applications and most importantly...my INBOX!!! Damn. The work was piling up and I have to cover the authorisation part and tell me, how am I going to work with my com?!?! How am I going to work without email?!?! Teach me!

Okay...keep cool =) hey hey!! It's Tuesday and it the starting of my honeymoon week!!! We have gotten ready 2 bottles of champage for celebration!! Can you imagine this is how happy we were when those 2 ppl goes on leave =D YEAH YEAH YEAH x millions! Without them around, no matter how high the volume is, we can still finish it within the timeframe and with a smile on our faces!! Okay I decided to buy breakfast for everyone the first thing in the morning keke.

Was talking to Iris in the dp room just now. Was telling her that it's Jackson birthday today (Oct 20)... Iris was like scolding me, why remember such ppl's birthday when he dont even remember yours. Moreover your birthday is just few weeks after the breakoff. Even normal friend will send a greeting over and yet he is so heartless. I was like yah...thinking back when he first wanted to woo me... 3 years ago during my birthday, he called me up saying that he wants to pass me a prezzie but I din wanna meet him. He purposely came all the way down to Plaza Sing to pass it to me and I was bad enough to just say a "thank you" and continue talking to my friend. Maybe this is retribution.

I remember asking him, why din you give up after all the heartless rejection and 1 year of waiting, he says he dunno. Finally, on May 13 2006, we got together during our trip to Genting with Ah Bui, Anqi and VC. I told him frankly that I dont love him as much as he does and he says, it's okay, time can prove everything. Yes, 2 and a half yrs of happiness flies...all the memories are like as if it just happened yesterday...fresh in my mind. But like I say, it's just memories. One day, it's gonna fade away and suddenly, you realise that you seems to have forgotten something which you think is "important" and yet you couldnt remember what was it. That is the day when I can accept a new relationship...

Its been cold recently...dunno why...just cold...The conversation we had that day still linger in my mind...but it seems cold now... counting down 52 days to my compliance leave and holiday... =)

October 20, 2008

2008-10-20T02:04:00.002+08:00

Slept at 830am this morning. Was on video call with Huggible since 330am.. its been 3 days since I last talk to him. He sounds okay le, at least he brings a smile on my face. I didnt talk much about myself, just feel that it's good to let problems and troubles vanish by itself. Sooner or later it will. We ended the call as there's something wrong with his msn call thingy. Drop dead on my bed almost immediately.

Woke at at 630pm...and my Sunday is gone. It's been a long time since I last felt so free... Anyway staying at home makes me sleepy... woke up, had my dinner, watch the first 3 episode of "少年四大名捕 " by 林峰, 吴卓羲, 马国明 & 陈键锋 etc. Not bad. Just that the artists in this show wasn't that good, beside 林峰, the rest of the artists wasn't too fantastic... Just wondering why 马国明 was in this show instead and not 黄宗泽???

Starting to feel sleepy le...

Bro wants to visit my aunt (daddy's sister) in Mersing this coming weekend and daddy was asking if I wanna go but I might be going Batam... It's been a really long time since I last went Mersing. Just in case you are thinking where is Mersing? It's in Malaysia. About 138km from Johor. Not really far, if you are driving at a speed of 130km/h, you should be able to reach in hour or so... haha..

This place brings me lots and lots of memory. I spend most of my childhood time there. My parents will bring me there during my school holiday and they will leave me there to play till school reopen. But guess most of my childhood friends no longer stays there le. It's a small fishing village you know, and as you grow up, you definitely have to seek for other opportunity out there. But it's really fun when you just wanna leave the hectic life and seek senerity in this kinda rural area.

And oh, I got myself another Samsung L700 yesterday. Pretty nice metallic outlook =) Already updated some of you with my new number just now. So now I'm having 2 lines but no worries, you guys can reached me at both numbers. Darling Josephine also got herself a new Samsung Omnia and got her mum a L700 as birthday prezzie. Altogether we got ourself 3 phones yesterday at Paragon M1 keke =D She was super happy with the phone as 2 days ago she was still in a dilemma whether to get it a not. After she got it, she was too happy that she dont feel hungry and decided to just go for fries as dinner. Expected, she msg me on msn when I came back from DBl O that she is very hungry haha.

Must remind myself to msg Felix on my passport details later as he need to book for the batam trip. Die le...I just remember that I have to be at my boss house warming on Sunday!!! Eh...how ar...I totally forgotten about it... eh....can be excuse one la hor.... =p

What Goes Around, Comes Around

2008-10-20T00:14:00.003+08:00

One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out.

His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was those chills which only fear can put in you.

He said, 'I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.' Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.

As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid. Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped.

Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way. He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, 'And think of me.'

He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight. A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her.

The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan ..

After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be.

Then she noticed something written on the napkin. There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: 'You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.' Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day.

That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard.... She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, 'Everything' s going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.

'There is an old saying 'What goes around comes around.' Today, I post this story here and I'm asking you to pass it on... Let this light shine.

Don't forget about such simple saying. It makes a difference whenever you face a problem. Simply, pass this on to a friend who is troubled and lost... If you know me well enough, you know that I truly believe in this saying...What goes around, comes around... It's true =D

5 Simple rules to be happy - THE DONKEY

2008-10-19T23:48:00.001+08:00

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive..

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less

You have two choices...smile and close this page,
or pass this along to someone else to needs to be motivated, like what I did!!

I shared this story with my colleagues and now to you ppl who read my blog. I want to be happy and I know that the key to happiness is in my hands. People around us can do miilion of things just to upset you, but you just have to do one thing to let yourself stay happy. Rememer, it's in your hand and in your mind =)

October 19, 2008

2008-10-19T02:58:00.005+08:00

Back from Dbl O at about 2 plus. So lucky, managed walk out of that place sober..haha. It was way far from my expectation =D Luckily he had got lot of friends there today and his attention was diversify and so I managed to escape...haha!! It's Jonathan's birthday today and hereby wish you "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO, stay happy and cheerful ya. May you and your gf stay blissful always!!!"

Had my nail art done up again today. I love it. At least I love it more than the previous one =) This time round it's black base with 3D white flowers, glitter and swarovski blink blink stones =) I love blink blink!!! I have already thought of my next design. The base is going to be in gold =D

Darling Josephine accompanied me throughout my 3 hour manicure today with my godson Kayden, my sweetie pie. He was really sweet today and poor little fellow had a bad fall just now. His left side of the face hit the metal step and now he had got a Nike logo on his face now. So heartpain to see that.

Had dinner at ard 9 plus @Swensen Park Hotel. Skip my lunch as I woke up only at 330 pm....haha. Was at East Coast Twenty Six bar yesterday night with Mich, Keith and his bunch of Uni classmates. Lousy Keith touz after 3 pint of Erdinger... *sehz* anything more lousier than that.. haha. I was feeling pretty down these few days and so decided to go for roller blading after that. Went home to change and head down to East Coast again. Blade to and fro from Macdonald and Fort Rd. Feel good, sweat a little bit... but at least had a good sleep after that.

Took really long time to finish this piece of blog..haha. I started at 3am and now its 630am..haha.

Since I'm so free on weekend now, I should be going over Batam next weekend with Aaron & gf, Felix, Wenhui and another 3 friends for some water sports and seafood. Wanna try out Jet ski, Cable ski, Banana boat & most importantly Parasailing. Cheers!!!

October 16, 2008

2008-10-17T01:36:00.002+08:00

Another day passed...

Have no idea what had I done today. Still feeling very lost... was thinking to ask Jiade and Danny out for a drink @Hush, who knows Jiade says he was there last night and will be gg down on Friday and Saturday as well so might not want to go down today. Danny called up at about 530pm saying that he will be meeting me together with his gf Xiaoying around 8pm. I reached there straight after my Union meeting and who knows suddenly he called up to say he got something on and cannot make it le. Thanks lo...what am I going to do there alone??? Gana put aeroplane...3rd time already!!! Okay, I swear no next time and that's it. Unless he called up and says he wanna come, if not I'm not going to get him out anymore.

Garry called up in the late evening to check on me. Thanks =) Told him a bit on my recent unhappiness and shall catch up over dinner next week.

Feeling lost partly because I felt really lonely. Especially after my quarrel with my bro the day before. I didnt explain much nor talk much to others about it. Just felt so miserable and hurt. Didnt wanna think about it anymore but it just kept lingering in my mind...sigh...Seriously speaking, till now, I felt I have done nothing wrong. Nothing...

Have not felt so lonely for such a long time...and this kind of loneliness is unbearable...out of sudden...just felt so left out and outcast...dunno why...just have this kinda feeling...I have no energy to do anything...be it work, play or drink....sigh...no mood to do anything...For the past 4 days, have been locking myself up in the room everyday after work. Luckily Huggible was there to talk to me every night, but these few days he had been rather moody so he din call to chat and that is why the loneliness became exceptionally strong. Din wanna bother him as he mentioned on his blog that he just wanna be left alone and dont want to worry about other people stuffs. Hopefully he can get over those unhappiness real soon too...

Its definitely not easy to get over such pain. Bump into Ah Bui and biao ge they all when I went Hush on Sat. Ah Bui was celebrating his birthday but din see Jackson around. Guess he knows that I might be there so he purposely din appear. Looking at them, my heart unknowingly... hurts again. We used to drink and party together and now, we are sitting at different tables, very little communication and mostly is all the normal 客套话...Its his birthday on Monday but I wont wish him cos he dont need me to. Anyway he seriously means nothing to me now. If not bcos of Ah Bui, I would have forgotten that its his birthday soon too.

I just hope the loneliness feeling would just leave me alone... I dont wanna be your friend can? I want happiness as my buddy... guess that's not too difficult isn't it? As usual, one question... Is happiness just somewhere around the corner waiting for me??

October 15, 2008

2008-10-15T20:55:00.004+08:00

Okay, although I'm feeling equally frustrated today, but manage to curb my temper a bit. Anger management... anyway someone in my office is on leave today so it beautify my mood a bit.

Thinking through lots and lots of stuff the whole day. The past flash back like a video clip...everything single thing...sometimes, its really all about give and take. Take a step back and look at the whole picture, you will realise that you tend to see things more detailed and thorough. 这就是所谓的旁观者清吧。Yes. Always accept the fact that this is how thing goes around in the planet. No point dwelling on it since its never gonna to change anything.

I just want to let go of everything, including myself.

观音娘娘，你能否保佑信女能快乐一生，远离烦恼，远离悲伤，远离一切杂念...

Since now I'm free on weekend, it's time for me to take up some courses to keep myself occupy. For the past 3 months, I have been flooded by lots of unhappiness and its time to move on again.
Decided to take up sign language course @SADeaf. Have to go for 2 sessions of 8 hours Introductory course for Deaf Community, Culture & Language (DCCL) in order to sign up for the SEE 2 courses. Follow by 3 stages of Beginners' Level for 6 weeks of 18 hours per stage then 2 stages of Intermediate Level for 6 weeks of 18 hours per stage and lastly 2 stages of Advanced Level for 6 weeks of 18 hours per stage. This shall at least keep me occupied for like more than 5 months bah.

Ask me why? Nothing, just feel like learning something special and actually it useful too =) easier for me to communicate with those ladies in the office mailroom.

Just bought a new Pinky Samsung F480. Very beautiful phone, but just not very used to it. Its touch screen, but bcos my nails are really long, so it cause a bit of inconvenience. But overall, good.

Nothing much for today as my mood are still really bad...how I wish I can be somewhere whereby nobody knows me...no one will ask me question..no one will tell me what to do and no one will come and bother me...I just wanna be left alone...that's all...

October 14, 2008

2008-10-14T22:56:00.005+08:00

Im feeling really down today, or should I say upset... or even ANGRY!!!

Thanks to those people who read my blog and start to "concern" about my family problem. Thanks leh. 你真的有心了...but XXXX!!! God damn it!!! People's family problem got to do with you is it!!! Thanks leh!! You came to read my blog but sorry lo, whatever xxxx I wrote in here is my own xxxxing problem and seriously speaking what got it gotta do with your xxxxing business!!! Damn bloody hell. If you are so free, please mind your own xxxxing business k!

I SAY IT ONE MORE TIME! WHATEVER I WROTE IN HERE IS MY OWN XXXXING FEELING AND PROBLEM WHICH IM NOT WILLING TO TELL PEOPLE. NOT A LOT OF PPL KNOW ABOUT MY BLOG AND THOSE WHO KNOW, CAME IN HERE TO READ ARE BECAUSE U R MY FRIEND AND NOT ANY TELEBROADCAST REPORTER. I UPDATE YOU PEOPLE WITH MY FEELINGS AND SHITS AND SO PLEASE RESPECT MY PRIVACY!!!

Once again, thanks to those ppl, I have withdrawn from my partnership half an hour ago. You ppl deserve a round of applause *Clap* x a million !!! Whatever shit I have done is all gone by now... back to my normal life. No more quarrelling over those minor stuff. No more wondering abt those things in my mind. See! Now I have to hide my xxxxing feeling inside my heart again. Maybe I should just consider writing a diary instead. If you ppl know nothing then pls keep your mouth shut. No one will call u a dumb if you dont talk!!! But I will call u an idoit if you try to act clever!!! And now u r one!!! No one understand what I have been going thu and what is exactly up in my mind. U are already helping if you just keep quiet!

I've never felt more worse than being called childish by a moron!!! What the xxxx!!!AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
What the xxxxing matter!!! You cry, I cry, he cry and she cry!!! Soap opera is it!!! God damn it!!! XXXX!!!! Dont wanna talk abt it anymore. U MORON!!!

October 11, 2008

2008-10-11T02:21:00.002+08:00

It's Ah Bui's bithday on Oct 09 and Hee's birthday on Oct 10.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUYS!!!

Been rather busy with work and stuff these 2 days. Pretty tired cos having lotsa system prom and here comes all the troubleshooting which I hated most. You know what... I'm beginning to hate that 2 ppl in my office. Argh, please stop all the nonsense and mushy thing k. I'm sitting right in front of you and please respect the fact that I'm still around! If you two really can't "tahan", just get out of my sight or just wait till I leave the office?!?! It's really a torture! Why not I suggest that you just murder me?!?! I have been showing off my attitude to them these few days. Sorry lo, I just couldn't stand myself being so fake. And please don't disturb me when I'm busy with my stuff, asking me question at that time, you are trying to find trouble is it!!!

Things had not been going too smooth for me. Been rather troubled by some stuff but still life is happy. It's always good to have someone to rely on and knowing that he will be there =) The best part is that both of you can talk about anything under the sun, to be exact, everything.

It's finally near mid october le... *phew* ... counting down to my leave... exactly 2 months.. YEAH!!!

That girl in my office is trying to find trouble again. Another new target and this time round, is my secondary school friend's brother. WAH LIEW!!! Her house already got 1 big plus 1 small, then one Exxxxd, previously got Sxxxxn, then got Cxxxxxe and now Kxxxxn...sigh...when is she going to stop all this flirting act...why did I introduce her into Citi?!!?!? And for goodness sake, the big one in her house is my friend lo and the poor little one...

Okay, need to open the shop for my mum later. Thou can walk le, but still not very active. Luckily no fracture, but mummy, can you please promise to be more careful. Okay I love you =)

October 07, 2008

2008-10-07T00:29:00.002+08:00

My head is in pain... it's bursting... can someone save me from all this pain...

Why can't I just be more firm and stand strong...WHY!!!

Why ppl love to cry over spill milk??? Bcos there's nothing for you to cry over when the milk is not spilled..!? Okay I know it sounds stupid but u know what, I've been trying really hard to protect my glass of milk but no matter how hard I try, it's still gonna be topple over cos the fact is I'm clumsy..!?

For the past 2 yrs, I tried to give him the best I can, I tried being a nice and thoughtful girlfriend, I tried not to do the things that he dont like, I tried to curb my temper, I tried to think align with him, I tried not to quarrel when I'm angry and I tried EVERYTHING!!! But in the end, I still ended up becoming a stranger to him, I mean nothing now..

I have no idea why am I crying..for him? I dont think so. I cried because I couldnt accept the fact that he will do all this to me despite all I have done (maybe I just find it unfair). On the other hand, I cant deny that he used to treat me good...In the beginning, I choose to remember only the good he had given me and forget about all the bad things he had done. But I'm just fooling myself. I'm trying to deceive myself, thinking that I still love him, but to be exact, its the past that I cant forget. Its the old Jackson that I cant bear to part with and not the current one. The person whom I first know no longer exist...

For so many lonely nights I've been telling myself that I have to let go. I really thought I've done it, but ppl ard me tells me I've not. Okay, by writing this piece of blog shows exactly that I've not let go. Maybe I will just have to keep self hypnotising myself. The best way is to fall in love again but I dont wanna to as this is unfair. I might just be using that someone to forget about the previous one and since that the case, do I really love that someone????But being alone, how can I forget and let go? I might be trying to keep myself as busy as I can, but there will still be times when I have to lie down on bed and think of the past, present and future.

My past is in a mess and a total disaster. My present is stagnant and not moving towards any direction. My current post at IPU is nowhere seems bright. My shop is still making loss and sad to say, despite being the major shareholder, I have no control over it. Anything more sad than that?!?! My future??? I just wanna leave this place and start afresh somewhere. To somewhere whereby there's no memories at all. Looking out for opportunity now...

Maybe there might be many unexpected things lying ahead waiting for me, but I'm not gonna give up. I have been on my own for so long so why should I give up at such a critical moment =)

"Don't let your past dictate who you are, let it be part of who u'll become"

下雨天了怎么办我好想你不敢打给你我找不到原因什么失眠的声音变得好熟悉
沉默的场景做你的代替陪我听雨滴

期待让人越来越沉迷谁和我一样等不到他的谁爱上你我总在学会寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞一个人擦泪一个人好累

怎样的雨怎样的夜怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大天要多黑才能够有你的体贴
其实没有我你分不清那些彻别接近还能多一些别说你会难过
别说你想改变被爱的人不用道歉

想爱一个人的冲动。。。

2008-10-06T23:23:00.003+08:00

我的心是被你设定的闹钟提醒我想你的时间不够用
为什么平淡的事情现在忽然生动是你改变我你改变我

忍不住想要爱你的冲动不确定你属于我会有点寂寞
你给的幸福在我心中自由走动抚平我每一个伤口
忍不住想要吻你的冲动不确定我的执着能让你感动
我只能相信自己感受不怕失落关于你的一切我想要比谁都懂

你是情人还是朋友还没勇气想得太多你的世界如此辽阔我会在哪个角落

October 06, 2008

2008-10-06T00:13:00.002+08:00

My poor mum had a fall outside my shop this afternoon, but she din want to see a doctor. And now she is limping around in my house with a walking stick and still yet worrying that couldnt open her shop for the next few days. Mummy!!! Can you stop worrying for a day??? Sigh..

Business was so so today. Lotsa customer walk in for hair cut but actually we don't really earn much on that. So which is why I'm working hard on my PR, getting my friends to come for chemical services. Well, I'm giving disc on top of that k so I still dont earn "that" much afterall...haha.

Just came back from Partyworld. Sounds good today...haha. Huggible flashed past my mind while I'm singing. Haha. I was listening to his song "分分钟需要你" this afternoon before I left house. He sang really good actually =)

Yuki bought from me my Gucci bag yesterday. She loves that bag but keep bargaining with me so just sold it off to her at a cheap price. I WANT A LV TREVI PM!!! sigh....very ex....

I just realise something, I need to change my way of driving. I'm driving faster and faster now. Die le la...how??? Just pray hard I won't bump into TP or whatever shit, hitting 100km on normal road and over 130km on expressway...always din realise my speed until I look at my speedo...keke...

Can I Borrow $25?

2008-10-05T23:52:00.002+08:00

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?
'DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.
SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?
'DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?
'DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.
'SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?

'The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.

'The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' He asked.
'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.
'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man.
'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.
'The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he yelled.
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.
'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.
'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.
'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?
Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.
'The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love. If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

October 05, 2008

2008-10-05T05:39:00.002+08:00

It's Sunday.... gonna be Monday soon...sigh...another long long week.

Was on the phone with Huggible till 4 plus am, went to bed about 5 plus am...haha...woke up at about 4 plus pm..and this is how I spend half of my Sat man... Head straight down to my shop afterwhich. Huggible called even before I reached my shop..he missed his flight to Tokyo cos HE OveRslept!!! Jeremy sms me asking if I'm free for dinner so I hang around in the shop for a while and went to meet him up at ard 8. Well he's scared that we will be out of topic and so he asked a few of his friends to join. Find some faces familiar, but just couldnt remember who they are. They tried to refresh my memory la, but sorry, really couldnt remember cos its been 4 yrs since I last saw you guys man.

Jeremy try to convince me that he still miss me a lot and so on. But seriously speaking, you are still with your gf k. So if you try to convince me at this time, its not going to work. But just be frank, Im tired about all this stuff now.You jolly well know what you have chosen 4 yrs back, and the fact is that now you are still with her (but even if you are not with her, it's not going to change anything). You tell me that if you can get me back, you will marry me immediately, but I tell you what, YOU try to get me back bcos YOU wanna settle down and obviously YOUR gf din wanna so as she's only 20 this yrs. Yes I do wanna settle down, but sorry, you are not the one whom I wanna marry to.

Met up with Jiade, Michelle, Raymond, Keith, Zhiwei and gang for a drink @Hush, funny night afterall.... there's this guy whom I met there try to impress me la, Jiade kept laughing away. He sms me and you know what, till now, I couldnt recall what's his name! Had porridge @Geylang Lor 3 and pretty tired now... sleepy...it's 607am

October 04, 2008

2008-10-04T02:21:00.002+08:00

Okay...time for some feelings pour out time. Welcome to my world again.

My moodswing is getting from bad to worse. Sometimes I couldn't even stand myself. Just wondering what happen to me. I just wanna be myself again. Seriously speaking, I have no idea what's bothering me...

My parents had been pressuring me recently. Dad and mum, please, I'm already 26 and I can take charge of my own life. Stop going through my stuff and opening up my letter to question me about stuff. Waking me up early in the morning to ask about all the shitty thingy. I'm already stressed up to my max and coping really hard, please please, don't add on to my problem and increase my stress level. Whatever I do or going through now is all bcos of u all. I always thought that I can handle all these problem by myself.

There used to be someone beside me... listen to me but even thou in the later part, I'm still being left alone, I never regret doing all these things for u ppl. I just want you all to be happy that's all...One day if I were to leave this world earlier than u all, I still want u ppl to be happy and that's the last thing I would ever wish for...

Had steamboat at Bugis just now with Jiade. Had been craving for it when I'm in office. Super hungry but yet super busy and super tied up with stuffs. Finally, CA going live in PPM platform on Monday. Another thing off my mind..Yeah! Thou there's still a few pending for UAT testing.

69 days more to my broad leave and IM REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!!!! My stress level is almost near to my max and Im gg berserk anytime. HANG IN THERE!!!

To you: Tell me one thing more before I go...How am I suppose to live without you... =)

This is really sweet........

2008-10-04T02:18:00.001+08:00

When a Girl is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.
When a Girl is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.
When a Girl looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around
When a Girl answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.
When a Girl stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying.
When a Girl lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a Girl wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.
When a Girl says ' I love you ' ... she means it.
When a Girl says ' I miss you ' ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person..

Find a Guy .

Who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Golden Rules For Finding Your Life Partner (by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.)

2008-10-04T02:11:00.000+08:00

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the # 1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1 : Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important?

Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. Fifty percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test?
Here are some suggestions:
Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing."
So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up themselves and self-absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following: 1) How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver etc? 2) How do they treat parents and siblings? 3) Do they have gratitude and appreciation? 4) Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't
do nearly as much for them!

Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage... for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.

It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

October 01, 2008

2008-10-01T17:20:00.002+08:00

In my shop now. 5 of my friends came down to had their hair cut, coloured, highlight and perm. Thanks for you guys support if not it's really hard to hold on to the business you know.

It's Hari Raya today and it's holiday!!!

Was really busy at work yesterday and ended up lunching in lo. Met up with Jeremy at the Hong Kong Cafe somewhere near Katong about 8 plus. Well, he starting talking to me about those stuffs again...about how much he miss me and how he wish he can still be together with me again. Weird feeling... but okay la, to me he's just a past and nothing more than that. He came down to my shop today with Taiwei. Funny la, he duno whether he wants to do his hair anot cos he just wanna come down. Am I leading him to the wrong direction, letting him feel that he still have a chance.

Basically, I'm just someone who is too sociable and will just simply talk to anyone in a freely manner and I feel that there's nothing wrong with it you know. But ppl tends to mistaken that as a signal of sparks, thinking that there's some possibility between you and him. I can be quite sure that guys that falls for me usually won't last for too long, I dont know why but it's just a pattern that I noticed. As for me, it's much easily to understand cos my signal will be very strong if I like that someone....haha.

Had a little drink with Jinhao @Hush ard 11pm and happen to bump into my sista Jiade and some friends. Tried to sing, but din sound good cos my throat wasn't feeling well.

Huggible called me yesterday noon with a super excited mood cos he just bought his GTR ECU controller. Very funny cos he tried to tell Greg about how excited he is but Greg just answer him in a rather cool manner telling to go back to sleep. Haha.And you know what, in the night, he called up with a very sad and rather angry manner saying that he received a letter informing him that GTR is illegal in the states and he needs to export it out. But the problem is, they actually allowed him to register his car and he had already paid for his insurance. I was telling him, his Ah Ma will be laughing away (cos his ah ma doesn't allow him to drive a GTR).

For the whole night, he was trying to "sai ko" and get me to race with him when I'm visiting him in Maui in DECEMBER. No want la!!! Funny boy!!! How could I race with him when I'm just driving a TS in SG. Pengz la.

Wrote this piece of blog the whole afternoon leh..haha. Busy entertaining my friends in shop. And I HATE MY CASH REGISTER!!! SUPER DIFFICULT TO USE LA!!! Oops...sorry too agitated le. Okay okay..that's all for today. Actually I have more to write, but I can't remember what I want to write. Will update when I recall it. =)

爱情与生日的关系

2008-10-01T17:14:00.002+08:00

你和情人的生日差几天...关系可大啰!挺准！

例如: 女是9月'31'日生，男是3月'15'日生,则我们的差距是31-15=16个站。

<结果分析> 0个站最佳拍檔80分你们是想法一致的情侣，不过就因为同构型太高，有时会有点闷，药剂是得多制造些生活趣味，多说些甜言蜜语给对方听

~ 1个站一见钟情85分你们一见到对方就难舍难分，还在等什么！心动不如马上行动

~ 2个站互相利用35分两人爱对方时都会互相评估相爱的利益得失，一旦有弊无利，两人的恋情就完了

~ 3个站互相猜疑25分有一方疑心病特重，对方一有风吹草动，就会往坏的地方想，对方又懒的解释，这样下去，迟早分手

~ 4个站美好邂逅70分两人偶然相遇，志趣相投，随即陷入热恋，两人越看越相衬

~ 5个站主仆关系60分双方需能体会相爱是信任与互相依赖，爱情才有转机

~ 6个站幸运情侣90分一开始交往，就会互相带来好运，要互相疼爱，关系才会长久

~ 7个站彼此忍受45分两人互看不顺眼,有时会以半开玩笑的方式说出对彼此的不满,但仍会互相忍耐来持恋情

~ 8个站先甘后苦55分男方会适时讨好女方，让女孩子觉得好甜蜜，事事都有男方帮忙分担。但有时会物极必反，觉得自己好象没有存在价值

~ 9个站似远还近60分双方个性不同，想法又各异，但竟然还可成为情侣，双方需互相迁就才能甜蜜度日

~ 10个站斗嘴情侣25分两人是斗嘴佳偶，双方常持相反意见，能长久在一起简直是奇迹

~ 11个站平淡见真情80分两人感情是细水长流型，有好结局的可能性很高

~ 12个站受气包15分一方很情绪化，动不动就不理人，另一方要有好脾气才能忍受

~ 13个站似爱非爱50分双方价值观不同，但又对彼此有超强的吸引力，相处初期有新鲜感，但长久之计仍要靠努力

~ 14个站不搭调10分两人如同水与火,八竿子打不着,不知是如何走在一起的,一剎那爱情光辉可不代表永恒

~ 15个站妹妹情人70分女方没自信，一切事情以男友为依归，凡是以男友为主，有时会让对方觉得有点烦

~ 16个站强弱组合45分男方是领导人，女方也甘愿做个小鸟依人的女子

~ 17个站分手收场20分两人找不到相同点，分手是迟早的事。唯一补救方法是完全相信彼此

~ 18个站痴迷情人30分男方说月亮是方的，女方也点头称是，简直爱到无理智可言

~ 19个站上进情侣80分两人能互相鼓励，有上进心，幸福指日可待

~ 20个站变心难免45分热恋时会迁就对方，一旦变心就无法挽救

~ 21个站孽缘15分两人在一起就像一个生虫的苹果早晚腐烂，除非有人肯事事妥协

~ 22个站完美情人85分女方一见到男方，就会被对方丰富的学识及人生经验所倾倒，而义反顾的相爱

~ 23个站早散早好5分一定是上天要整你，才让你们在一起，两人的恋情难有未来

~ 24个站说谎情人65分虽是爱人，但都不说真话，又互相知道对方的底细，何时才能坦白

~ 25个站知己朋友15分两人的关系不能说是爱情，只能说是互相尊重的知己朋友，相处的过程像白开水一样，淡而无味

~ 26个站欢喜冤家55分小俩口一见面就吵，越吵感情越好，不过有时也要互相学习尊重喔

~ 27个站人间绝配80分最佳情侣组合，令人羡慕。双方都为对方着想，互相欣赏

~ 28个站暴力情侣30分小俩口总吵吵闹闹的，有时不只出口伤人，还会拳脚相向，感情像走钢索般的不稳

~ 29个站分分合合60分情路多波折，成日与爱人分分合合，有时还可能发生三角关系，害周遭朋友为你担心

~ 30个站超尘脱俗80分虽然没人看好你的这段感情，但你身在其中，尽情享受爱情光辉的每分每秒。

September 30, 2008

2008-09-30T00:02:00.003+08:00

1210am, had another long long day today. How long must I stuck in such a stagnant life???

Slept really really early yesterday.... from 7pm till almost 8am in the morning...hhahaha.

Had dinner with the Sanur ladies on Friday night. Very happy and excited to see them as they are simply a bunch of crazy girlz like me. Guess the next time I see them will be in December when Zhenhui give birth to her baby boy!! Went AMK Hub to watch "Painted Face", really touching at the end... *cry*. Guess what, I was watching this show with 4 couples and I'M ALONE!!!...alone crying and drying my tears...It's a super sad feeling u know..On the phone with Huggible till like almost 6am in the morning. KO after that till 3pm. Suppose to meet Josephine @Vivo to do Pedi @2pm...ended up I reached there @6pm...haha...gana nag until duno like what!

On Sat, after my Pedi, we had dinner @Boss. Ordered too much ended tabao eveything back...haha. Send baby hm and we went out again, meeting Mich, Keith and Cheers. Had a little drink @Dempsey Harry's and watching F1 Qualifying round live broadcast. Ended @2am, couldn't sleep, decided to drive to East Coast Mac to surf net and have a coffee. Having moodswing that night. Went hm at ard 5am, still couldn't sleep. On the phone with Huggible again till like 945am. Stay up the whole night and had breakfast with Darling Josephine and godson at East Coast Mac again at 1045am. That's when my nightmare started!!! I LOST MY CAR KEY!!! And that my 2nd key...damn...no choice...have to leave my car there for suntanning till today afternoon. Redo my car key today at Motor Image and it cost me almost $400!!!! What the xxxx!!!

Had a surprise that day when Jeremy called up. FYI, he my ex. We've been together for almost 6 years and broke up for almost 4 yrs. I sms him on the car key thingy as he works in the garage @Ubi, thinking he might offer some ideas. Well, we ended up having coffee @The Barks at Changi. We started chatting freely and suddenly, he tried to explain and apologise for the past and says that if we were still together, we could already have kids. I din know what to say, but deep down, I just feel that it's already the past. No point dwelling on it since it had been 4 solid years. I went thru ups and downs by myself, getting stronger and standing tall till now.

I don't need someone to tell me that he can take care of me or won't hurt me anymore. Seriously speaking, I don't trust them anymore. All this sounds like a sweet talk to me and for sure, it won't last and this kind of promise will never realise. I was joking to my friends that, for now, if a guy that I can fall for propose to me, I will just marry off myself without even have to go into a relationship..hahaha. Naive thinking? But thinking back, it might not be a bad thing. Since ppl can't be together when they are in love, why can't I just get married and develop the love later? Who knows it might work out??? =)

Anyway, I visit the worst Motorshow ever in my life with Benny!!! It's just like a Subaru showroom to me and guess what?!?! THERE'S NOT EVEN A EVO IN SIGHT!!! The only car that interest me was the Nissan GTR 09 ver. SUPER BEAUTIFUL!!! Had dinner @NYDC, after which went home and KO immediately. Benny's Maserati coupe Cambiocorsa was pretty fast thou or I'm "sua gu"... hhaha..Saw a beautiful orange Lotus at the carpark too. Anyway I cannot tahan already cos have not catch a sleep for more than 48 hrs! siaoz..

Jinhao, thanks for sending me to office this morning and Keith for sending me back in the night. Trouble u guys lo. Bu hao yi si wor. But thanks cos the road was still partially blocked. Okay I'm done for today...Nightz everyone =)

防盗锁

2008-09-28T05:48:00.003+08:00

说穿了不是什么大事情说穿了不过自己去看电影说穿了只是睡醒看不到你
你放心离去我不要紧

为什么莫名有种矛盾的情绪给了你祝福又盼望你回心转意
他给的幸福你从笑容就能说明我还凭什么关心怎么你不抗拒

感情没有防盗锁爱走不到尽头不后悔付出过各自回家的路试着不再难过
变得成熟是我能安慰自己唯一的收获就离开我别回过头不要用从前看以后
我猜是我的错爱怎么被偷走那只是个感受如果离开是爱你最后的承诺多年以后
偶尔记得那疯狂不成熟的我不说穿了不要结果不伪装了我的难过

September 28, 2008

2008-09-27T18:49:00.006+08:00

Writing this piece @516am in the morning. My mind a bit lost actually and in super mood swing mode. There seems to be lotsa things in my mind now.

Today, I did something which I've been wanting to do, but I keep delaying it. Finally, I deleted and blocked him from Msn, Friendster & Facebook. I deleted away all our photos from my Packard bell and acer and also my desktop. I decided to end all memories I had. I know I had to do so, if not, I can't move on.

For 3 months, I've been living in his shadow. I refused to forget him, and refused to remember all the bastard thing he had done as I have chosen to remember the good. Everytime I browse thru my pics folders, all the memories flash past like a movie. Whenever I saw him on msn, I can't help but thinking how can he be so heartless to not even ask about how have I been or even a hi....I couldn't forget how could he not even msg me a simple happy birthday greeting despite we broke off not even a month....when he was the one who came after me for a year saying that he will not hurt me like others did...

I tried really really hard to carry on, tears can no longer represent my sorrow and pain. Maybe it's just part and parcel of life that everyone have to go thru, but still it's the fact that we couldn't escape from those pain. Friends tell me that "Jo, let go, he's not worth it. You can find a better one". Yes, I know that. There's greener grass out there and even a forest, but what can I do when I just want that particular piece of withered grass...

Thou now I have deleted all things related to him, but the data that is store in my brain is the most important thing I have to delete. Don't worry, I'm in the midst of reformatting my brain. I want a happy ending for my 2008, I want enjoy my Dec holiday as much as I can. I want to start my 2009 with a FRESH AND BRAND NEW me. I on my way to my happy life.... JIA YOU!!!!

September 25, 2008

2008-09-26T01:05:00.002+08:00

Feel like writing something to describe how I feel now, but it difficult. Finally the week gonna end, IT"S FRIDAY!!!!

Meeting Joey, Liana and Zhen Hui tonight @Taka Sanur Indo Restaurant for dinner. A place that used to be so familiar to us, Sanur Bugis, Suntec and Centrepoint. Full of memories, our friendship bloom from there and it's like almost 10 yrs till now. Joey happily married and gave birth to Nicole. Zhen Hui got married last yr and a mum-to-be in another 3 weeks time. Liana happily attached, left me...who, what and where am I at this stage of life....unknown...

Yesterday, my mum told me that my younger cousin gonna get married next year and my elder cousin too, getting married this year end. Her second marriage after her first shotgun marriage. Now together with her twins girl, she is marrying to a rich guy. Congrats to both of them, from the botttom of my heart, I wish them a blissful marriage.

Suddenly, the urge to get married just flood my mind. When can I find that someone, that special one that belong to me and stay with me for the rest of my life. Never leave me and will love me with all he can till the day I die. It's hard to fall in love again. Those bastard that hurt me without a second thought, please get the hell out of my life. I just wanna love someone again. Truly love that someone and get married. haha..sounds desperate.

Looking forward to my compliance leave in December. I just want to relax myself as much as I can. As for now, just gonna work really hard bah. With more customers coming in, meaning I have more testing to do and more work to do...all alone by myself.

Counting down to 2 and a half month. Yeah!!!

September 24, 2008

2008-09-25T00:30:00.005+08:00

Had a really long day today....sigh....Worked 15 hrs non stop....

Had bad muscle ache on my left leg...limping around today in the office. Went to play flying darts @Darts yesterday night, interesting but kinda difficult. Focus too much of my body strength on my left leg and now...it hurts =( Meet up with my sistas Danny and Jiade. Have not seen Danny for quite sometime but still...still as lame as usual!!!

Dr Huggible is having tummyache and diarrhoea non stop. Hang in there man. It gonna stop really soon =)

Quite happy today as I managed to change my compliance leave to 3rd week of December. I insist I WANT TO!!! I DON'T CARE!!! YEAH!!! I could have just give in to them and just stay put as 1st week, but I just couldn't swallow it down when I'm really pissed off at them. Going on leave together and leave us dying and yet doesn't allow me to take my leave together with Liang Shu...what the hack!! What is the problem with them man. Doing all the nonsense in office thou frankly speaking, non of my business. But please stay focus on your own shit and leave us alone.
Went lunch with Cindy xiaoxiao, Ah Gek and Yanni. Complained throughout lunch about this stuff but still that's not gonna spoil my day. I spend the rest of my day laughing away in the office, joking and talking nonsense.

Finally went over to Marina Sq to collect my contact lens today and got myself a size 3 Pazzion Grey heels today...Nice but exp...

Got an sms from frances that day saying that she saw me at East Coast. I reply saying no and wondering why is she there and asking if she is alright. She reply saying not really and it makes me pretty worried. Later in the day than I know that her little perrier passed away. It reminds me of several years back when I went her house during new year, her perrier kept barking. I tried to be funny and put a pineapple tart in her mouth and she actually kept quiet the whole afternoon. All this will be memories from now.

處女座終極完美分析

2008-09-23T01:31:00.002+08:00

都說處女座另類，雙重性格，甚至有點神經質，其實原因只有一個，處女座的一切都要隨自己外顯的性格而轉，姑且稱之為"狀態"。處女座狀態好的時候，可以將自己聰明、細膩、能幹、溫情、幽默、有內涵等優良品質完全外展，此時他們顯得如此完美，光芒四射，並且可以表現得非常外向、健談，容易與人打成一片（這本非他們的性格）。而一旦處女座狀態不好，便會變成另一個人，甚至非常窩囊，一事無成，不過通常此時他們都躲避外在的干擾,所以讓人感覺有點間歇性自閉症)因為同為水星守護，所以處女和雙子一樣善變，但雙子善變的是心思，處女善變的卻是情緒。

很多時候處女座要面對很多實際的瑣事，這時的處女座便不得不在冷中面對周圍世界：要麼說話做事很不自然，有做作的痕跡；要麼便極度冷漠和被動，對誰都不理不睬。其實處女座很清楚自己現在的樣子，但他們無力改變和控制自己的情緒，只能選擇瘋狂地逃避一切。

他們想的是：與其很不自然地面對你，尷尬地和你說些無關痛癢地話，或是因和平時反差太大而被人說成表裡不一，性格怪異，還不如先躲一陣子，等調節好了以後再出來。所以，在與人交往中，他們只會和不得不交流的人（實在躲不掉）或是完全陌生的人（反正無所謂）交談，而和熟悉的朋友反而疏遠。

所以.你在他心中地位越重，他躲得你越遠。特別是戀人.

而且,大家都知道處女座的人有嚴重的完美主義傾向,所以就有了所謂的\\"處女座的人最喜歡若即若離\\"。原因很簡單：他只想給你一個最好最完美的自己，而不願讓你看到他無助脆弱的一面。所以請記住，有時處女座對你冷，絕不是你說錯做錯什麼，這是他們正常的生理現象，他們只是不想讓嚴寒和冰霜傷害了你（可事實上這種做法已經傷害）。不必難過，因為他們在乎你的話，他們的內心比你還要難過、自責和內疚！他們所能做的，只希望快點調整好情緒，回到你的身邊。

正基於以上兩點，處女座有時便會表現出非常另類的行為和思維模式。他們的性格也很多來源於此：不喜主動，不善交際（也可以熱情，只是今天熱了，終有一天會冷的），不愛表現，不喜拋頭露面（萬一哪天情緒無法把握狀態不好時，豈不大失臉面），諸如此類。

關於"潔癖"——並非處女都有潔癖，很多處女座並不愛乾淨，但卻要求整潔，他們更多的是井然有序，不喜歡別人破壞他們所整理和佈置的"完美"格局。處女座更多的是有精神潔癖。一旦觸碰到他們精神上的禁區，嚴重時會表現得歇斯底里。

關於"花心"——一般說來處女座絕不花心，忠誠是他們的代名詞。異性關係多很可能是他們需要確定一個好人緣和自己有魅力，來反擊那些普遍觀點。一旦找到心中真愛，他會呵護你一輩子，只要你能給他安全感，他永不背叛，心中眼中唯你一人。尋花問柳，紅杏出牆這些事與他們絕緣（一是責任感所致，二是怕麻煩）。

關於"聰明"——不似雙子靈活機巧，不像水瓶創意非凡，也不是天蠍的那種計畫周密，處女座更多體現的是智慧。細膩、理性、好學加上十二星座裡一流的洞察力和最強的邏輯思維能力，處女座想不聰明都難。沒事少在處女座面前信口開河，隨意撒謊，很多偽紗他們一眼便能看透；也別跟他們玩什麼心計，你玩不過他們的。處女是那種可以把你賣了你還得向他道謝的類型。沒事也少跟處女座辯論，他們沒理也可找出理，甚至找出不止一條理來。處女是永遠不會吃虧的。

關於"單純"——處女座很純真，但絕不單純，他們內心複雜得讓人難以想像，很多不經意的事可能都是他們精心佈置的。處女座也總在純潔和好色之間徘徊，這一點最難說清。不過他們真正的內心是極其善良的，
寧可自己苦也不願傷害任何人，心靈如水晶一般晶瑩剔透。

關於"幽默"——都說處女座冷若冰霜，缺乏幽默。多和他們接觸吧，你會體會到什麼是冷幽默，什麼是真正的幽默，而並非品位低俗的搞笑。

關於"遲鈍"——別看你和處女座說某些提議時他們半天才反應過來，在你說好的一瞬間，他們腦子裡可能已經轉過五六個你這項提議會造成的後果（通常是消極後果）了。他們總是想得太多，絕非想得太慢。

關於"自私"——處女座的自私覺不是獅子的那種惟我獨尊，也不是水瓶的以自我為中心。處女座正因為是無私的，所以顯得自私。（能夠理解嗎？）因為處女不想傷害任何人。

關於"逃避"——由於處女座性格上的因素，他們通常會顯得壓力很大。當週遭的事物已無法掌控，或是自己的情緒無法調節好時，他們會瘋狂地逃避，墮落自己，這種狀況通常對別人無害，卻是傷害自己，讓所有愛他們的人感到心碎。不過不用太擔心，過一陣子他們自己會好的，他們天性的自我批判精神很快便會起作用。處女座一般不會徹底墮落，墮落前可能都已留有餘地，只是在等待著希望的來臨。甚至有時墮落都是做給別人看的。

關於"內涵"——處女座有涵養這一點是肯定的。在成長中不斷吸取教訓，不斷學習，取人之長來豐富自己的內涵。因為他們感覺到情緒無法把握，而這些是自己可以踏踏實實做到的，將來一定有幫助。這是他們所追求的完美主義目標。

處女座就是一個表面神秘到難以琢磨，說穿了卻又很簡單的星座。最接近神的人？可能吧，處女座喜歡這樣
來標榜自己。因為他們確實有超凡脫俗的一面。他們的內心接近了神，可是身在這個世界，不能不食人間煙火吧，所以必須得戴著一個面具活在這個世界上。

處女座喜歡和人說些曖昧的話，對心儀的對象卻不好意思表白。
處女座希望別人瞭解自己，卻又只將能公佈的那一部分對外展示。
處女座是最有責任感的人了，可很多時候卻害怕承擔責任。

September 21, 2008

2008-09-21T18:47:00.000+08:00

It's Sunday. Now in my shop writing this. Mixture of feelings...unexplainable. Slept less than 10 hrs for the past 3 days, but weird, I don't really feel tired.

It's my daddy's 58th birthday tmrw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST, LOVABLE DADDY!!!!

Thou been sick for the past 3 months, but suddenly I have this feeling that I'm recovering soon =) cos my appetite is back. Have to go for my blood test for thyroid as doctor dignosed that there might be a possibility of me suffering from that. Sigh... I think I'm gonna be alright..

Losing weight...from 44kg to 39kg...bad experience. I don't like the way I look now. Yes, I do love being my ownself now, but external factors changes me into who I am today. I always thought that I'm strong enough to overcome all problems and hindrance, but I realise I'm not.

Less than a year, I experience the peak of my life as well as the darkest part. Now, I depend solely on myself, I refuse to accept any help from friends and family.

For now, I enjoy going anywhere as and when I like. I enjoy meeting friends at wee hours. I enjoy accompanying my dad and mum for feast and karaoke session. I enjoy sitting in my hair salon surfing net, collecting money and going through my accounts. I enjoy working late in Citibank everyday talking rubbish and nonsense to colleagues. I enjoy going overseas. I enjoy being alone in the house watching HK TVB series. I enjoy talking to Dr Huggible on the phone for hours listening to his story and everything. I enjoy the feeling of being busy.

Being able to live my life to the fullest and enjoyed it is what important now. Other than that, it really doesn't matters. I don't mind being single as I do enjoyed the process of being woo by people..haha...as if there is...

As usual, need to advertise for my shop a bit. haha.

Please visit us at STAGE HAIRDRESSING @BLK 56 NEW UPPER CHANGI ROAD #01-1330.

FOR APPT, PLEASE CALL 62449759. STYLISTS AVAILABLE - ANDY (MY BRO), ALEX & YUKI. FOR FRIENDS, YOU CAN CALL ME DIRCTLY FOR APPT (I WON'T BE THE ONE DOING YOUR HAIR, DON'T WORRY!!! HAHA) SO THAT I CAN INFORM MY STAFF TO REMEMBER YOUR DISCOUNT PRIVILEGE. CHEERS!!!