602am Was feeling really tired and sleepy just then, but after reaching home and have a cold bathe, I'm kinda awake again.
Just like what I have just wrote on my FB wall, things are getting a little bit out of control. Well in the sense of my own emotions. I realise...I really fallen in love with him. I kept telling myself that nothing's gonna be like what I expected or I should say hope but... I'm still clinging on to some believe that I had in.
Maybe some other things is now in the right place but still...I don't understand why should I be the one carrying all these burdens... Soon I will find myself holding 2 jobs and yah, keep myself busy and away from all the unnecessary troubles. I have no choice and seriously I don't want to. I don't know how long can my body and mind take it with all these things coming along my way. I hate myself having to live this kinda hell.
Its already 9 months since Jackson left me and today, I'm still in search of that someone who can stay by my side. Most importantly of all, I have to love him as well... Maybe I'm just not worth that someone's love or care bah. I already give him and myself the benefit of doubts, but as time goes by, I realise I'm just lying to myself.
All those that I was once with, is now happily or maybe happily with another one. Yet here I am, all by myself. I always thought that by telling your closest friends or buddy about your own problems or thinking might prevent my depression from relapsing but now I realise it doesn't really helps... I can feel that it's coming back, just that this time, I no longer cry, I no longer have any feelings and stuffs like this. It's far worse than before. This time round, the idea and urge of ending everything is stronger than before too.
Nevertheless, I'm still holding on to it, believing that I can survive and become tougher a Joe.
Was out for steamboat with Darling Josephine and Charlene Dear Dear this evening. Passed by a few bridal shop and yah, the feeling sucks. The idea of getting married by 24 and have my own baby by 27 no longer exist. I cant turn back the clock and yes...Im 27 this year....still single...still in search of a someone.
Mum and Dad is my strongest pole to survive for now. Please dont let anymore things to come across my way. You have given me the worse and please please please....not anymore.
622am...time to sleep....long weekend is half gone. My room had got a new layout today. Thanks mum for cleaning up and rearrange everything for me. I love it. Muacks...
0 comments:
Post a Comment